My girlfriend and I are high-school sweethearts (eight years) – it’s her first relationship. We’re happy and still in love. The sex we have is great and we always enjoy it.    
      The issue is about sex we don’t have: She doesn't even like oral sex. It’s mostly me who must initiate sex. I've tried to discuss this but she’d block the topic until I gave up. Yet I’ve been clear and she knows how this bothers me.      
      I don’t know why she cannot understand that it’s an important matter for our relationship. What should I do to make her talk seriously about it?
      - Frustrated

Look at her perspective - she’s young, inexperienced afraid of the unknown, likely unsure of her own feelings about what’s “right” or “wrong” and happy enough with what’s already happening. She cannot be “made” to talk about it.     
      In her first relationship, feeling secure is more likely on her mind. Talk, first, about your future together, plans for possible engagement, etc.    
      That will help assure her that you’re together for the long long-term, so that how you learn to please each other in many ways, not only sexually, becomes that much more interesting and worthwhile.    
      BUT, to move into a conversation about sex, your approach must not blame her for her reticence, or be about what you want. Explore the self-help shelves for a book you think can help her learn more about sex. I recommend the revised and updated version of The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort.    
      And remember: close bodily contact through cuddling, and intimacy through sharing confidences as well as touch, are an important part of lovemaking that’s more than just sex.

My husband just visited his parents after months of estrangement because of their ongoing negative, toxic behaviour.     
      They’re angry and hurt that we moved from their city for our work. They took it personally and blame me. They didn’t acknowledge my birthday with even a phone call.
      My husband decided to finally set boundaries on how and what they said to him (about his life choices, me and my family).     
      I’ve not talked to my in-laws in more than a year since they were incredibly rude to me during our last visit. My husband has said that our marriage comes first; I’ve been respectful and encourage my husband to stay in regular contact with visits and by phone (before the estrangement).      
      I’m also in the midst of medical treatments and need to keep my stress level to a minimum. How can I reach out? They put on guilt trips and bring up ages-old issues. After his recent visit, pretending nothing’s wrong until another argument happens.
      - No Change

Move forward, despite their attempts to yank you back to the past. When an “old” issue is raised, both you and your husband need to simply say that it’s over and your relationship as in-laws can’t improve if you don’t all look ahead instead of backwards.     
      Your husband is doing his best by setting boundaries. He must be consistent. When they criticize you or his family, he must say, each time, that he won’t tolerate this any more than they should accept his critiquing them.     
      He must stress that he loves them and wants a relationship, including get-togethers that are pleasant instead of conflict-ridden. But it must include mutual respect and acceptance; otherwise it’s too painful for all of you.     
      You’re both trying hard, but focus more on your own health and well-being.

FEEDBACK      
      I receive questions about the realities facing couples from diverse backgrounds. Here’s one reader’s comments:
      Reader – “I’m Catholic, 23, happily married to my Muslim husband. Both our families took time to understand each other's culture and kept an open mind, e.g. about different foods, the headscarves, traditions and family histories.       
      “They also found common ground - on how they raised their children and values in marriage.      
      “His family comes for ‘holiday’ dinners around Christmas, we donate money and visit during Eid. We had a Muslim wedding ceremony with an Imam in the Mosque; several months later, we had a Catholic wedding in the Church with a priest and some family and friends.    
      “You marry a family. This requires a lot of working things out, one issue at a time. Communicate with yourself, your partner and your families on why you want to make this relationship work.”

Good advice!