What do you do with a guy who doesn’t grow up? We’ve been in a relationship for eight years and he seemed good-hearted, full of potential and sweet in the early years. We’re now both mid-30s.     
      We used to live together but he never had money for the bills and we were evicted. I was then too sick to work. He went back home.     
      He’s lived with his parents these past three years (a true Mama’s boy); he still can’t hold a job and keeps promising things will get better. Yet he asks for money from his parents for cigarettes, gas and phone cards.     
      My friends don’t like him and he’s severely damaged my relationships with my family and friends. He always wants to know where I am and hangs around my place on my dime.     
      I’ve now said that I’ll have my own personal days - my time and my business. I want to see if he’ll move on and if I can get rid of him. If I just try to leave completely, he won’t leave me alone. Is this the right approach?  
      - Fed Up

Tell the guy “who won’t grow up” that YOU just did. Change the locks and don’t answer his calls. If he’s more trouble than that, speak to his Mama and, if there are threats or force, speak to the police.     
      You’ve allowed a deadbeat to linger too long.     
      You get rid of him by ending all ties, since there’s no future with him, AND your past impressions turned out to be wrong.     
      P.S. You’ve mentioned no love or even affection for him, so don’t get nostalgic or let him come around for sex. You’re the one who needs to move on, permanently.

My boyfriend of three years and I are both 19, in university; I stumbled upon a suspicious file on his computer - 45 pages of url and descriptions leading to porn sites.     
      Beside each description was a name of a friend of his or mine or ours. Every time I clicked, there was a picture or several, of a one of these women, naked.     
      I knew my boyfriend had porn, we've talked about it and I’m okay with that. We have sex regularly 6-7 times a week. I understood that porn is a casual and normal thing to view.     
      It’s the names that are horrific – they’re people whom he’s said are just close friends. I believed him. Some are my friends from high school, one is my roommate and some are girlfriends of his friends.     
      I think it’s disturbing and I cannot stay with him. My friends are supportive. Am I acting rationally? I have yet to speak to him.
      - Shocked

You two talked about porn, but you sure didn’t talk about boundaries. Either your guy has been with a lot of these female “friends” or he’s solicited all the naked pictures from them.     
      All this might’ve seemed innocent fun to the participants, but it doesn’t feel like fun to you.    
      First you should talk to the guy – three years of dating warrants that, despite his secret peeping or pursuing. Then you should walk, no matter his story, because this has obviously gone on for a while, and he purposefully hid it from you, no matter your accepting attitude toward porn.     
      You’re young but this is an early lesson for you: There’s a difference between having a lot of regular sex with a boyfriend and having a relationship of trust and respect.

I’m 25 and almost always cheat on my boyfriends. I hardly ever introduce them to my friends and family. It’s obvious to me that my current boyfriend of nine months won't work out, yet the idea of being without him is terrifying.
      I’m addicted to being in a long-term relationship. I feel extremely guilty after cheating and scared of discovery.    
       Why can't I be happy with what I’ve got? Why do I keep on messing around and want to do my own thing with friends (without him)? Will this change if I meet The One?
      - Serial Cheater

No matter who appears to be The One, you’ll keep trying out The Other until you learn more about yourself. Get counselling - and soon.     
       No matter whether it’s insecurity, a crummy self-image, commitment fear, or all of these factors that drive you, your behaviour makes you Ms. Wrong for the man you’ll want to keep.