My good friend, 39, recently met a woman online; on their first date, they had such good chemistry they decided to become a couple.    
      Their office Christmas parties were on the same night so he invited her to his party but she declined. And she rejected his suggestion that he attend her party, as she was going with a guy friend (colleague) who was arriving from California.    
      When asked for my opinion, I said that when people first meet, you can’t always expect they’ll both want to do everything together, immediately.      
      My friend solicited other opinions, from males and females. They all said she was wrong in inviting this guy once she’d already agreed to be a couple. My friend then called her and they mutually agreed to break up.      
      She was upset and felt he overreacted. Ellie, what do you think, 1) about her inviting this other guy, 2) about the advice I’d provided vs. everyone else’s advice.
      - Just Curious

Your friend rushed too fast (as did the woman) to secure a relationship, BUT, unlike her, had no idea what rules of engagement he expected.     
      His instant-girlfriend, however, had her own guidelines and, unfairly, didn’t share them with him while making their “deal.” Neither was ready for a bond with any boundaries.    
      Your own advice was sensible, IF they were both aware – impetuous decisions aside – that these were early days together and they had other friends who were part of their work/social life. But they weren’t, and didn’t discuss this.       
      What’s certain is this: after one date, they couldn’t handle their first disagreement. As for all those other opinions, not one of them focused, as you did, on how fragile this relationship was, anyway.

My parents were married for 30 years; I believed we had a strong family. However, my father started gambling, causing financial problems and mom’s ultimatum – leave gambling or me.    
      Five years ago, I moved abroad (I’m 28). Last year, Dad divorced Mum because his creditors threatened to take away the matrimonial property. He’s staying “for a while” with me.      
      Recently he met a woman who also gambles and now divides the week staying over with her and with me, while spending money on her. But each morning he talks to my mother via Internet, creating a sense of normal long-distance relations for her.    
      I tried to tell him that I feel used and find his behavior immoral. He argues that he’s divorced and has no moral obligation towards Mum. I threatened to tell her what’s happening, but he said I need to protect my mother’s feelings, in case the new relationship doesn’t work out.    
      I feel trapped. I’m in constant contact with Mum; I equally love both of them.
      = Confused and Lost

Your father’s placed you in an unacceptable position: Kick him out.
      Tough Love may be the only way to get him to face his actions: He’d then have to afford to “treat” this woman, without having a free hand from you. His girlfriend may not find him so interesting under lesser-financed circumstances, and when she finds he’s communicating daily with his ex.    
      Tell Dad that HE may feel no moral compunction, but you do, about hiding from your mother your knowledge that he keeps leading her on even though they’re divorced, and that he’s with someone else.      
      If you don’t tell her, you’d be complicit. Instead, insist that he “gamble” his integrity as well as his money, away from your home and support.

My good friend is single, has no children; her long-distance “boyfriend” is still legally married, has five children (different mothers), and a criminal record. I cringe when she asks my advice. Her family and friends (me included) are weary of telling her to drop this loser.
      But the more we disapprove, the more attractive she finds him. I’m tempted to end our friendship. How can I get through to her?
      - Frustrated

Tell her, directly, your logical concerns – example: eventually having to help with the guy’s finances if he has multiple child support payments; and the likelihood he’ll be refused immigration to her country due to his record, etc.     
      Then, back off completely, saying you have no further advice about him. Yes, you may lose the friendship … but you will anyway by your continued disapproval, IF they get together. Besides, it’s the audience attention that also attracts her, so stop listening to “the story.”