I'm a reformed "player" who's fallen in love, but my former crew "friends with benefits" are still pursuing me.

My love is a wonderful person, and private. Until she's convinced that I'm off the radar of the party crowd, she won't accept my marriage proposal. I'm 39; finally sure I've found The One.

But the phone calls and emails keep coming; it's embarrassing when she and I are together. I show her all contacts to prove I'm hiding nothing, but she keeps wondering if I'll slip back into my old ways of ordering different women up for dating and sex.

I've told these women that I'm not that guy anymore. But they don't believe me. How can I cut them off without being insulting?

Pursued

A Captain can fire his "crew" decently, when he changes ship. Unless his love of control is holding him back.

Send emails telling each woman it's over; you're getting married (no name). Then, change your phone number and email. Expect and ignore any harsh responses.

Several years ago, my best friend said she'd fallen in love with me. I brushed it off saying, "I don't feel the same way, and I'm straight." Our friendship continued okay, I thought.

She's still in the same committed relationship with kids, as she was then. But she now says she's always been in love with me and struggled when I've been in relationships, which were always with guys.

However, I'm in my first relationship with a girl who happens to be her best friend of 20 years. I don't know why it happened but it did and it's good. 

So now my friend is extremely hurt and feels betrayed.

She was waiting for me to have the "ah ha" moment and realize it should be she and me together.    She'd thought the only barrier was that I couldn't be with a girl.

She now blames me for the shape her relationship has been in for the past several years and feels I've led her on the entire time. She's very angry with me and wants distance, which I understand.

But I'm very angry too, to have lost my best friend.

She tells me she's working on her relationship and family now, and if that gets better, we can be friends in the future.

Is this friendship salvageable? We work together so I see her every day. And her relationship with her best friend hasn't changed.

Distressed

Distance is essential! You three are caught up in a web of drama and emotions, which complicates all of your relationships. It may even be that your "best friend" prefers complications, rather than confronting whether she's truly giving full commitment to her current family situation.

You were naïve to think that a person who says she loves you can remain close yet unaffected by your rejection. Even more naïve - and unkind - to have started up with her closest friend without alerting her of being interested in a woman, and without anticipating her reaction.

Your friend's hurt and anger are understandable. She'd be best off if you withdraw for awhile, even ask for a transfer where you do NOT work together every day.

Apologize to her for the hurt you unwittingly caused, explain that you agree on the need for distance, offer hope that you can all be friends in the future. But don't push it. Your new partner should also be very considerate of this woman's feelings.

Several married girlfriends are talking about their male co-workers, or ex-boyfriends who've re-surfaced, sounding like they're headed for affairs. They're also openly bad-mouthing their husbands - one guy's a workaholic who doesn't help with the kids, another spends too much on electronic "toys" when they need a bigger house, etc.

My life isn't perfect but I want to stay positive and do the best with what I have. However, these gab fests are dragging me down. They're my closest pals, so if I just stop speaking to them, I'll have no one!

Bad Vibes

Change the scene. Instead of just talking, organize a girls' movie night, meet at the gym, get tickets for a local play. Bring other interests into these friendships beyond just airing all inner thoughts and daily events.

They're restless, you're not. Staying grounded is essential for your happiness, so speak up fast, with better ways to stay connected.