Several years ago I was thrilled to reconnect with a very good friend.
Our husbands come from the same culture and the woman herself is so lovely.
I soon learned that they were having trouble conceiving. Last year she told me (very kindly) that her struggle was so painful, that they needed to take a break from friends with kids.
We have two children. I immediately stopped encouraging get-togethers and visits, wished her my best, and told her I would back off.
We’ve since conceived our third child.
I feel that I should email and tell her separately as I don't want to hurt her when it becomes known through social media.
But I feel cruel contacting her when she's asked me not to, to tell her about a pregnancy that's only going to upset her more.
My husband said she made her feelings clear when she asked for the break and not to say anything, but I'm unsure.
Respect her wishes. There’s no way you can tell her without it creating greater disappointment in her own situation.
Perhaps in a few months, you can send her a simple handwritten note saying, “Thinking of you and hoping you are well.” It sends the message that you care about her a lot, but won’t cross the boundary she’s set for her own emotional comfort at a most sensitive time.
For 20-plus years I’ve rented an office space that shares common hallway/restrooms with other tenants on that floor.
A five-year tenant has been hostile toward me and another construction company for the last two years.
They’re unhappy that our slum landlord keeps the hallways/restrooms dimly lit and cleaned only sporadically, etc.
The other issue is that I have one cat that lives in my office and so does one of the other tenants.
We’ve had these cats for 12 years, and before that, another cat for eight years.
The tenant has called the village authorities and complained, resulting in a notice requiring us to relocate the cats.
There’s nothing specific about pets in the office in the zoning laws. But the village official said that since we’re not a shelter, it’s not allowed.
These neighbours have made my life hell.
They make rude noises when I’m in the bathroom, pour water on the cat, and leave outside doors open so that bugs come in.
They yell and scream at us because we aren’t “nice” to them (they didn’t get invited to my wedding) and leave bad reviews of our companies on social media.
Talking only results in them screaming at me. They’re trying (unsuccessfully so far) to get me evicted.
There’s no other place to move the cats, other than to a shelter.
Other than move, what should I do about these bully neighbours?
You could go to the police and accuse them with harassment, but that can become a costly, time-consuming legal battle if it goes to court.
It’ll also make your life a worse nightmare of stress because these people don’t hold back.
You haven’t said why the cat can’t live in your home. If possible, that would be the simplest solution.
But my own leaning would be to move, despite the inconvenience. Removing the cat to a shelter won’t make these bullies nicer people. It’ll just give them more power.
Leaving them to the neglectful slum landlord seems sweeter justice to me… and provides you with the chance for a new locale, better conditions, nicer neighbours… and, perhaps, a happier atmosphere for the cat, too.
I’m 28, no kids, single, never had a relationship. I've agreed to be maid of honour at my best friend’s wedding.
I’m worrying about my ability to perform the job, while smiling.
She's younger than me, already has kids, getting married.
It's getting difficult to be happy about the planning or work because I feel I’ll never experience those things.
How do I get through this wedding while avoiding tears?
There won't be any single men present to even pretend I’ll meet someone.
You do know that the wedding isn’t about you… but you don’t seem to know that your “job” there is about your character: The ability to be a truly giving friend; an attractive personality that doesn’t distance others with “woe-is-me” attitudes; an optimistic person people would want to date or set up.
There’s plenty of time ahead for marriage and kids, if you get past negativity and self-pity.
Tip of the day:
Respect the deep sensitivity of women experiencing problems conceiving.