I'm dating one of the greatest guys I've ever dated, sort of. Sometimes, I feel like he could be the one. However, it's getting too overwhelming.
I get a dozen Facebook emails daily, constant text messages, he checks in with me before he goes out and again when he gets home. Also, he spends hours in and around my place of work despite asking him to leave and saying my boss doesn't like it.
He also dropped the L-bomb after six days.
Recently, I've had a strange fear of commitment. But there's a difference between my commitment issues and his smothering me.
He reminds me of how I was in my past relationships. So, instead of running away from his sudden strong feelings for me, I'm trying to work through it because I see potential in our relationship.
But I'm scared that if I do fall in love with him, and tell him, he might want to marry me right away or move in. He doesn't understand my need to have my own life, and for him to have his own. It doesn't help that he really has NO life.
Now he's moving to my city after only two weeks. I'm paranoid that he's going to be around ALL THE TIME, and I've expressed my wishes for it not to happen.
All this in two weeks of dating? RUN!! He's needy, clingy, possessive, and if you start thinking you have to accept all this to keep him happy, you'll become co-dependents rather than have a healthy relationship that grows over time.
You're already overanalyzing and trying to justify his behaviour, and negating your own gut reaction that this is way over the top, and way too soon.
Quick, back off. And if he moves to your city because of YOU, break up. Or you'll be wishing for escape routes later.
Last week, my wife of 18 years (with some usual ups and downs), said it was over. I'm still in love with her and she'll always be my friend. She says she doesn't love me and wants to find The One for her.
She's a great mother, I'm a great father, and our two kids are amazing, and #1 priority for us both. Where do I turn for help? I need legal help and emotional support. Financially, we're okay.
See a family law/divorce lawyer to establish the most crucial needs - i.e. joint child custody. Plus planning for the best possible adjustments for all of you, regarding where the kids live, vacation time with them, etc. Also, how to handle major decisions such as a move away (e.g. if The One lives in another country), etc.
The next crucial decisions are about financial agreements, and you should speak to an accountant as well as your lawyer to make sure that what you think is "okay" can be divided between you two fairly, keeping in mind both your incomes and earning power, if they differ. You must also consider whom, if either of you, stays in the house and how the other affords a new place.
But just as important is your emotional well being. This is a big blow, and you need to go through a process of counselling to understand and handle it. I suggest you go together for some "separation counselling," too.
Through this, she's not being manipulated to stay in the marriage, but asked to help you come to terms with the break-up and then work on how it can be done as amicably as possible.
Is it right for my wife to go snooping in my cell phone?
You clearly believe she's done something wrong. But, since you give no back-story about what caused the snooping, it's pretty clear to me that something has made her suspicious. And clear, too, that you want to turn this into a privacy issue, rather than look at the relationship and specific circumstances.
It's a strategy to avoid a real discussion about what's going on between you. People who trust each other don't check each other's phones. They're too busy with daily work, home, and trying to enjoy time together. The ones who snoop are either VERY insecure, or have reason to doubt their partners.
If she's jealous and suspicious without cause, then focus on helping her get over that, not whether she's "wrong." Only you know the truth, and the real answer to your own question.
Tip of the day:
Suffocation is NOT love, it's an ordeal.