I’m a woman, 32, single, hoping to meet a decent man for a relationship.
I enjoy sex. I also enjoy seeing sexual passion in romantic movies.
But I get turned off by blatant photos of sexual anatomy, especially when they suddenly appear on my phone, uninvited, sent by some creep I met once at a bar.
That guy was sloppy drunk, hanging over me, repeatedly suggesting we “go somewhere.” I retreated to the washroom and out the door.
What a turn-off! What’s with guys who do this? Maybe women do it too, but I don’t know any.
Is there any rationale for their in-your-face behaviour?
Inebriation is certainly one “excuse” that’s used after the fact. But rejection-anger, adult immaturity, and narcissism are others.
An unsolicited nude photo, once, is annoying. Sent repeatedly by the same person, is harassment. Inform the police to make the sender stop.
My wife of ten years is from China; I’m a Canadian who doesn’t speak or understand Mandarin. It’s a second marriage for both; she’s 47, and I’m 66.
Several months before our wedding, her parents arrived to look after my stepson, so we could have a honeymoon.
My then-fiancée warned me that her mom would periodically fight with someone over something minor and not talk to the "offender" for days or weeks.
Three weeks before the wedding/honeymoon, she wanted to leave over something, but it only lasted days.
My father-in-law, a wonderful man, is 77, his wife’s 71. They now stay with us for eight months, returning to China during winter.
Recently, my mother-in-law disagreed with my wife for discarding some aluminum foil and walked out.
Her husband followed her 15 minutes later and they were gone for hours in -9 degrees Celsius. I called the police. They finally returned, five hours later.
Also, we’ve been asked to become guardians for my wife's niece, 14, to come here for a better education.
Apparently, her parents are always fighting. My father-in-law feels ours is a good stable home (my step-son’s excelling at university, I’ve raised three daughters successfully).
My mother-in-law wants to go home and her husband doesn't. This latest issue is the worst yet. I want to say that we’ve both had enough of this.
I’d prefer this couple visit us for four weeks, twice annually. I’m feeling 50/50 on a commitment to the niece.
If you and your wife agree that you’ve had enough of the dramas, scares, and prolonged visits, it’s essential to become firm in mutual resolve that there must be a change.
You two have a right to set boundaries for visits that affect your own lives directly.
But you’ll need counselling help. There’s Chinese family honour involved here, plus your having accepted this long visiting regime for some years. Also, your mother-in-law is an expert manipulator.
Yet, the more serious concern is the teenage daughter. If her parents’ fighting is that disturbing to her well-being, they need to address that.
The grandfather has good intentions but they shouldn’t only rely on you.
If you agree to it, you and your wife would need to be committed to keeping her for the school year through high-school at least.
Make your decisions together, first.
If you’re not prepared to raise another teenager – already troubled and a stranger to the country and language - consider other options, such as summer holiday visits to give her and her parents a break.
The decisions are yours as a couple, no one else’s.
Reader’s Commentary “As a physician, my patients often confide in me about marital problems.
“If they mention a single assault, which may’ve occurred weeks or even months ago, and they haven’t made a decision to leave, I believe there’s no use urging that they now do.
“Here’s what I tell them: Some men do this once and are so horrified, it never happens again.
“For a much bigger group, however, after the first assault they learn that they enjoy it and that you’ll tolerate it.
“SO, you must have a plan. If he hits you again, he’s identified himself. It WILL be repeated, repeatedly.
“You must determine that you will leave. Make a plan, where you will go, mentally pack your bag.
“Try not to go to the most obvious place and put the local police phone number on speed dial. If there’s been bruising, etc., take pictures to show police.”
Tip of the day:
Inter-generational living in the same space only works well when everyone works at it equally.