I became roommates with two girls and talk mostly to one who’s around more.
Over time, I developed feelings towards her. There are many common things between us.
She’s single, and I can’t tell if she already senses that I like her.
I’m not the type who just goes up to girls and starts talking. I have to be really attracted to feel I should give it a shot.
She’s a smart girl and I want to assure her that if she doesn’t feel the same way, I won’t make things awkward.
Meanwhile, not being able to tell her really bugs me and stresses me out. What should I do?
Roommate or More?
Try to get a hint of what her reaction would be. Example: when you’re both home one evening, mention a movie or other event coming up that you’d really like to attend.
If she shows any interest, suggest you go together (but don’t make it sound like a “date.”)
You want to see how she reacts to doing something as a twosome.
If she’s hesitant or appears uncomfortable, back off.
She may be equally concerned about changing what’s now working as a friendly roommate relationship.
My best friend of 25 years had a very difficult childhood, and even her adult years have been very difficult.
Her alcoholic husband has been physically abusive towards her, and cheated on her.
I’ve always been there for her, supporting her.
I also had a very difficult upbringing, and then escaped from an abusive marriage - a single mother at 21. I remarried.
My adult years have been better than my best friend’s.
My brother’s wife and I have always had a very rocky, messy relationship. The entire family dislikes her, but my brother adores her and defends her.
My best friend, sister-in-law, and I all attended the same high school, but those two women were never friends.
For my son's tenth birthday, I invited their kids to celebrate with my son. They ended up becoming friends. Neither told me.
They’ve been spending weekends together with their families at each other’s houses, and haven’t included me.
I’m most hurt by my friend, as she knows all the issues I’ve had with my sister-in-law.
Recently, my friend had a hospital stay. I was going to cook dinner when she got home, but she said my sister-in- law had invited her.
Angrily, I texted her how unhappy I was with her new friendship. But she thinks that I’m overreacting and being dramatic.
My husband and I were then excluded when the two couples went out together.
Why is my best friend behaving like this and betraying me?
My friend noticed the change in me, and invited me over, but I said I already have plans.
I don’t want to end our friendship but don’t know if I can trust her anymore. And I do not want her to be friends with my sister-in-law.
The harder you try to end your friend’s new friendship, the worse it’ll look on you.
Even if there’s manipulation by your sister-in-law, your friend doesn’t see it, not yet.
Drop the anger and let some time pass. If you’re invited again, go… or you’ll appear to be trying to control your friend. She has enough of that from her husband.
Meanwhile, suggest getting together just the two of you. If she agrees, do NOT lecture her on the friendship or badmouth your sister-in-law.
You’re all way past high school.
FEEDBACK Regarding the wife who’s given up on sex (January 27):
Reader – “Men whose wives are in menopause and post- menopause need to know that sexual intercourse is painful due to dryness, even using lubricants.
“Some women get painful, recurrent urinary tract infections after sex due to the thinning of vaginal walls.
“Not all women want to go on artificial hormones, especially if there are risk factors. More men need to be informed about this difficult time in a woman's life, and learn together how to enjoy a sexual life again through patience, understanding, and love.”
Ellie – Thanks for reiterating the facts about women’s physical changes that can make sex uncomfortably painful.
Unfortunately, this wife wouldn’t discuss any reasons for ending sex with her husband, nor see a doctor.
I suggested he see a counselor so that at least one of them would get informed, and start the important conversation we both agree is needed.
Tip of the day:
Proceed thoughtfully if trying to determine whether a roommate shares romantic feelings.