I just got married in July, my wife and I had been together for six years.
She’s not into sex, but when we do have it, it’s okay. She doesn’t like to perform oral sex, and sometimes I have to beg to have sex with her.
I’m tired of begging and hope she overcomes that. I want to raise her libido and encourage her to like giving oral sex. I’m a very sexual person and I love to please her.
Am I overreacting?
- Need More
It’s not uncommon for couples to have different levels of sexual interest; also, though you’d been together a long while, your then-girlfriend may not have been relaxed about sex. Now that you’re married, help her see your sexual life together as having a fresh start.
Woo her, and tell her you, too, need to be stroked, cuddled and wooed. Create intimacy in many ways – chatting, hugging, touching, complimenting.
Do NOT make your time in bed a test of what she’ll do, but rather an opportunity to develop her confidence and enjoyment of sexual play.
Also, read together, in bed, the revised The Joy of Sex, by Dr. Alex Comfort.
I’m a separated mother of two boys; my boyfriend of four years has a major clinical depression which is affecting our relationship. He’s suffered with it for 15 years, unbeknownst to me until recently.
His estranged wife is controlling and manipulative (she verbally and physically abused him during marriage). She gets to him through their daughter, 8. He’s financially strapped due to her, has no fight in him to get divorced, and believes his daughter will never adjust (she has anxiety issues).
Lately, he’s felt such guilt about not giving me what he believes I deserve in life, he begged me to break up with him. After much protest, I saw his pain and let him go.
He’s just started seeing a psychotherapist and is also working with meds.
How do I walk away when I don’t know what the potential could be? With support, maybe he and I could have a healthy and happy relationship, as before.
We love each other, but he’s currently incapable of dealing with any emotions!
Step aside. He needs to deal with his depression without being held back further by a whole set of other inadequacies, pressures and guilt feelings beyond his main problems with his ex and their daughter.
Loving him means giving him the trust that he CAN deal with his mental health needs, and then confront these problems. He’s already on the right track by seeing professionals to help him.
Your own sons need you to be strong and focused on them, not enmeshed in “rescuing” a man who wisely knows he needs to help himself.
I recently stopped at a popular highway diner where patrons line up outside. The woman ahead of me was clearly intoxicated – I could smell the alcohol, she was swaying while standing, talked loudly and acted rude to the young waitress. I overheard her say she was the driver, going somewhere an hour away on the highway!
Should I have alerted the highway patrol about this potentially dangerous driver?
- Regretted Silence
In future, always act on your suspicion of someone’s drunk driving. You had enough signals to firmly suggest she have coffee and sober up awhile, for her own safety plus others’.
If she’d reacted negatively, you should’ve alerted the diner’s manager and highway police.
Although I’ve achieved academic heights and am successfully developing a professional career, my father disapproves of everything I do, with hurtful comments. He tries to undermine my self-esteem and confidence with negativity.
He’s now given me invitations for a year of monthly dinners. I assume he’s saying that he cares about his daughter; however, I never enjoy these dinners, because he doesn’t listen, only speaks of himself, then drops hurtful “bombs.”
But if I cancel the dinners, he’ll probably call me ungrateful.
- Wit’s End
He cares, enough to want a relationship. Unfortunately, he’s of the misguided school of parenting that believes criticism is the way to urge even adult children to do “better.” He’s wrong.
Make a deal: You’ll come for dinner; but if he says anything negative, you’ll skip the next one. Give him a chance every other time, so he sees your willingness for a truly better connection.
Tip of the day:
Sex in committed couples is more than who does what; it’s part of many ways of expressing intimacy.