After my brother and his girlfriend (both late-30’s) had a baby, she moved into his house.
She started displaying strange behaviour; she frequently goes into rages that last several days. She threatened to slit my brother open, and to ram remote controls down his throat. She told him not to cross her as she keeps files on people who do.
She has no income and refuses to leave.
My brother left four times in a year during her rages. She says he overreacts.
I’ve suggested getting counselling but she doesn’t think she needs any.
My brother wants to spend time with his child, and doesn’t want to rent a room when he owns a house.
A lawyer told him to move out and pay child support.
The police won’t help him.
- Concerned Sister
The baby’s safety is paramount, as is your brother’s safety. His lawyer’s advice was wise.
By worrying more about paying rent, your brother is taking a risk for himself and the child. Unless this woman shows willingness to seek counselling once she sees he means to leave, he MUST call the police when she threatens him or gets physical and they will respond then. And he must move out.
He should seek custody of his child if he fears that leaving the baby with the mother is dangerous.
Meanwhile, he should keep a record of her rages and threats, for a family court judge to consider the child’s best interests.
I dated a guy briefly when we were 19, and, thinking he was a nerd, brushed him off.
We’ve since met up, 15 years later, and he’s hot! We’ve been thrown together through friends, and he’s been a too-perfect gentleman, barely holding my hand. But I really like him.
- Next Move?
When a guy’s been rejected early on, he doesn’t rush forward to get wounded again. The next, positive move has to be yours. Invite him to something he’d enjoy, such as a theatre or sports event, and be the first to reach out your hand.
If he’s interested, he’ll take the next step.
My sister’s boyfriend of nine years dumped her. She does things for him in hopes of winning him back – drives him to work, takes him lunch, etc. But he still says he just wants to be “friends.”
Sometimes, he leads her on –he’s said he still loves her “but now it’s not the time.”
He’s cheated in the past, and also promised a ring but never proposed.
He manipulates her into believing she’s the reason the relationship failed.
She’s sometimes suicidal, depressed, can’t sleep. Yet she stopped seeing her psychiatrist.
She’s living at home with us, and her problems are stressing the whole family.
- Need Help ASAP
Organize a family intervention and support team. At ANY sign of suicidal behaviour, family members call your local distress helpline, and have someone there speak to your sister to calm her down; if that doesn’t work, get her to her psychiatrist or a hospital emergency room to defuse the situation.
Afterwards, insist that seeking help is a condition of her living at home. Say you love her and want to help her get over this guy, but it’s clear she needs professional guidance to learn why she lets him manipulate her.
Then, she needs support – drive her to appointments, take her out for walks and recreation, and try to get her involved in some interest group in the community.
I’m 25, and my current boyfriend and I are doing great except for my emotional breakdowns, when I end up saying very mean things and causing fights.
Now he’s leaving on a two-months, faraway vacation and I’ve been fighting with co-workers, family, friends and him.
My doctor put me on medication but I’m still depressed.
Could my childhood experiences of my parents’ divorce have an impact on my emotions?
- Emotional Mess
Parents’ divorce is a common cause for anxiety and insecurity in relationships. You should not be only dealing with it’s influence incident by incident.
Instead, you need the help of a therapist to learn to stop seeing your parents’ situation as your model, and to develop confidence and skills to handle a relationship.
His two month absence is a good opportunity for you to work on this with a positive view to improving both your outlook and self-image.
Tip of the day:
When a bad relationship involves physical threats, safety should become the main focus, especially for children.