I’m 30, living with my widowed mother, early-60s, who’s lonely and only has a few friends. My brother moved out so I’m all she’s got.

I met a man who’s very nice; he has a good job, and is independent. However, my mother disapproves of him for me, because he doesn’t have a big income or any prospects for one due to limited education.

We’ve been spending increased time together and he now wants me to spend the night at his place. I’m not comfortable with this due to my religious beliefs. I always wanted to be a virgin when I eventually marry.

My mother’s been very harsh about her feelings if I persist in seeing him. She’s even threatened becoming estranged if I don’t “obey” her wishes. I feel a lot of pressure from both of them. I’m worried about her being alone, and also worried that she’s right that he’s not a good man for me.

Torn

It’s your life; you need to gain some control over it. You must decide about this man from your own experiences with him, and over more time. Since you feel strongly against it, you shouldn’t agree to premarital sex under pressure.

Explain that it’s not the way to win your trust. You need time to get to know each other better and you need some assurance of a future together, those are your standards. If he’s not interested, stop seeing him.

But tell your mother this is NOT her decision to make. She’s hanging onto you out of fear of being alone. You may have to move on your own if she keeps using threats to control you.

Work towards greater independence. You’ll keep close contact and help her, if she lets you, but you don’t owe her your life. Early-60s is not a frail and helpless time, unless she’s unstable, very ill, or immobilized.

My friend had a mental/emotional breakdown due to hacking and online bullying. She’s experienced hallucinations, depression, emotional ups and downs, and paranoia.

Even before, she had low self-esteem and emotional sensitivity. She was hospitalized and assigned a public psychiatrist, of whom she was suspicious as well. Nevertheless, she’s taking some medications.

It's been a year since the online incident happened. However, she still experiences/sees/hears things, which she insists are real. Her family (who lives with her) denies hearing/seeing these things. She lives far from me so I can’t verify what’s true. Yet I’ve found she's somewhat capable of differentiating fact from fiction so it’s hard for me to sift through what she’s telling me.

She feels she's being targeted specifically and now fears the same thing will happen again because it's that same time of the year. She says she's experiencing some sort of hacking again (after changing her computer two or three times). I don't know how to advise her.

She feels trapped and she's crying out to me for help, but I don't know what to do!

Lost

Of course you don’t know what to do, nor should you be hard on yourself because of it. Your friend is dealing with mental health issues that require ongoing therapy from professionals. Lay people – her family and caring friends like you – must be supportive, stay in contact, and get her to hospital and/or professional help quickly, if you fear things are getting worse or she’s a danger to herself or anyone else.

Listen to her with compassion, but stop trying to advise.

My best friend from high school and university is becoming a snob. She’s married a guy from a very affluent family, and suddenly she’s talking about where people “come from,” insinuating that some people aren’t “good enough” to join our circle.

I’m a very open person; make friends easily, and like getting to know people from different backgrounds. I’m not stupid, so I’m not bringing total strangers home; I’m just open to developing new friendships.

In our old “circle” everybody’s from the exact same background, social, and financial levels. How do I handle this difference with her?

Changing

You’re doing fine as you are – with an open mind, a welcoming personality, and some caution with strangers.

Tell your old friend you don’t intend to be snobby or excluding to new interesting people whom you find trustworthy. You hope that won’t affect your friendship but you won’t be held back by it.