We've been "dating" for six years, both 60, both working full time, living separately. His daughter, 30, lives with him and waitresses locally. She was found guilty of Driving Under the Influence and possession of marijuana - got a suspended license, fine, etc. Her father bought her a device for her car so she could drive.

She smokes marijuana daily and drinks too much alcohol. She has no responsibilities, limitations, or expectations. She never cleans her bedroom/bathroom (her father picks up after her). Broken beer bottles are left on the front steps for him to clear.

She doesn't pay room/board, doesn't help with household chores, or contribute to food/utilities or anything. She's always "borrowing money" and never repays it. She has credit card debt of $30,000.

She gets moody - first indignant, raised voice, tears, and then storms out. Her father feels guilty, she returns, and things go back the way they were.

Worst, she needs to be the centre of (male) attention. She goes overboard buying things for men she hooks up with, and then they're gone.

All her clothes are see-through, short, plunging necklines. She's in hyper mode all the time.

When she first moved in with her father ten years ago, his "rules" were no drugs, get a job, no one allowed in the house without him being home. She's broken all the rules repeatedly. She also lies.

She seems to be running the show. For whatever reason, he won't stand up to her. The divorce was 15 years ago. Her mother threw her out at age 15.... she stayed with friends then landed on her father's doorstep.

I've suggested he help her be more responsible and mature, like having her pay rent, and him saving the money for a year, so she can get her own place.

He never answers, and nothing happens. His friends have told him that she's manipulative and he should toss her out.

He's asked me to move in with him and says I'm "the one," but his current arrangement with his daughter is too frightening. What do you think?

Triangle Situation

Walk away. There's only heartache awaiting you behind that dysfunctional family door. You may be "the one" but she'll always come first, unless he realizes he can't have a normal partnership until he cuts her hold on him.

She holds the power and she'll wield it even more aggressively if you enter her cozy scene.

Frankly, I suggest ending your "dating" relationship altogether. It's going nowhere.

My brother, 45, has a son, 15, and twins (boy and girl), 11. They live in a two-bedroom apartment, the children all sleep together.

His wife is extremely lazy, and gives very little supervision. She doesn't work, doesn't drive, sits on the computer all day, and then expects fast food picked up for dinner.

The stress is visible, but they refuse to change anything. It looks like a hoarder's home.

The children appear too comfortable with each other's body parts. There's no privacy, especially for the girl.

I worry that the children may do something they can never undo (if they haven't already).

I've offered the couple money, and to help with the move, but they stay put.

Should I ask for child welfare assistance?

Concerned

Tell your brother your fears, which he must consider, and recognize his responsibility if they ever take place.

Find a three-bedroom place affordable for them to maintain, once you've helped financially.

If nothing changes, consider whether the daughter can/will live with you. If not, ask child welfare authorities for advice.

FEEDBACK Regarding the daughter-in-law who feels "inconvenienced" by driving a half-hour's distance so her mother-in-law, 75, didn't have to drive in bad weather (March 6):

Reader - "I'm a male, 49. Wouldn't it be nice if all ageing people were that responsible about their driving when they're concerned about driving in the dark, or in rain and snow? I appreciate the Mother-in-Law's responsibility.
"She gives two dinner invitations per year, plus takes them out once. The "annoyed" DIL should be more appreciative, rather than critical that it's not enough.

"Her complaint about always "going out of our way for her" explains why Mom only calls when she needs something, rather than have to talk to the princess.

"Good for the son for refusing to talk to Mom about her "bad" behaviour. She likely already knows how her daughter-in-law feels about her. That daughter in law should get a grip!"