Dear Readers – Sometimes a fresh idea can change your perspective to new inspiration. Perhaps that’s how making one or more personal New Year’s resolutions got started.

So, nearing January 1, 2019, I’m drawing on an idea from my daughter, Lisi Tesher, who’s long been my editorial assistant.

She began her daily, themed Facebook posts on January 1, 2016 with hopes of spreading kindness around the globe. She says, “Every day I posted about acts of Kindness that happened to me, or that I performed, or that I witnessed. I decided to continue it in 2017 with Gratitude.

Example:

“I’m grateful for education. I’m grateful for teachers who love to teach. For Principals and Vice-Principals who love their job and focus on the children. I’m grateful for everything that goes into teaching, including all the extra hours of planning and coordinating for special events, taking the time for field trips.
“I’m grateful for everything I learned in school.
And I’m grateful that I still have the opportunity to keep on learning - day after day after day.”

Today, I’m asking readers to consider what your resolution is for a daily theme in your life that can lift your spirits.

Since this is a relationship advice column, I’m naturally curious whether some people will resolve to do better in their relationship with a partner, a relative, or a friend.

Or, perhaps, focus on their relationship with themselves – such as trying or learning something new to improve their lives.

Send me a brief email about your resolution, to share (anonymously) with all who read this column.

I’m a woman, 44, who’s only dated two men. My latest relationship broke my heart again.

I dated this guy for 18 months. Early in our relationship, he decided that my country isn’t for him. Instead, he wanted to return to the country where he used to make a lot money (he’d lost all his money here).

Though we love each other very much, we were never intimate because he was worried that I’d end up hurt. He determined that our relationship wouldn’t work, and tried hard to keep his distance.

He’d previously had two long-term relationships of six years each. After that, he didn’t believe in love anymore and had many girlfriends, changing girlfriends every two weeks. I told him he has commitment-phobia.
We broke up because I asked if he’d tell his family that he has a girlfriend, or would he visit my home. He denied both.

He refused to talk to me and the following day sent a text telling me that I deserve a better person and that he won’t date again until he leaves this country.
I miss him very much and he misses me too, but he said he cannot deal with any relationship now. I felt hurt and abandoned.
Everybody in my life told me that I’m better off without him and I should forget about him.
I just want to be with him.

My Sad Story

Yours could be called a “star-crossed romance” since, though you apparently loved each other, both outside forces (his financial problems) and internal issues (his commitment fears), prevented fulfillment of the relationship.

Sad, yes, but not uncommon. As mature adults, you came together with different pasts – you, ready to embrace love, he, afraid to risk losing love (not to mention his money problems).

But now that you’ve known love, you can hopefully recognize it again, with someone far less conflicted about it.

 

Recently, a young couple moved next door. Their bedroom windows face one of our bedrooms. Yet they’ve chosen to not have any window coverings.

They’ve also chosen to have the lights on and be “butt naked” in front of both of these windows. They seem like nice people, but are they just stupid, oblivious, or don’t care?

This is a room frequently used by my 11-year-old granddaughter. How do I tactfully handle this situation?

Grandma’s Dilemma

The couple have the right to be naked within their own home. While a 1991 Ontario ruling gave women the legal right to expose their breasts publicly, there are jurisdictions in North America where, if the couple can be seen from the street, they’d be considered portraying “public nudity.” Police could be called with a complaint.

However, neighbour relations remain smoother with a knock on the door and a friendly explanation, plus inexpensive curtains and a window shade for your granddaughter’s bedroom window.