I'm in love with my best friend. We met through Facebook two years ago, and eventually started "dating” but both agreed it felt more like "hanging out." We broke up.
He explained, “I'm really attracted to you and you're amazing… I just can't be in a relationship."
I pursued and we started to hang out. Now we're best friends and my feelings have grown. We speak daily, spend most of our time together, and when I had to have surgery, he was there for me throughout.
Everything about us seems like a couple. When we eat out, he now insists on paying. When I'm having a bad day, I get a kick in the butt, and he's told me that he "cares deeply” for me. He once said he’d take a bullet for me!
Yet he’s always complaining about not being able to get a girlfriend. His other friends are constantly setting him up to no avail, so far…
I’m afraid to tell him that I'm in love with him, not only fearing rejection, but also about losing the best friend I’ve ever had.
But I'm also worried that he may find someone else.
How do I tell him that I love him, without losing him?
Talk to him directly. The longer you delay stating how you feel, the more likely he will meet somebody else. And, if you tell him, and he doesn’t share your feelings, it’s better to find out sooner rather than later.
He may share your feelings; in fact, he may have been feeling just as nervous to reveal himself, as you.
Some of the best long-term relationships start off with friendship. Hanging out together is an important part of dating. Go for it.
Repeatedly, in online dating, I’ll be messaging with a woman, asking questions about her life and interests, giving answers about myself, etc. Then, with no warning, the communication will just cease.
No “Sorry, I’m not interested,” nor their profile removed. No “I’m going on vacation, and will be out of touch for a while.”
It’s extremely disrespectful. You wouldn’t get up and leave in the middle of a conversation with someone face-to-face, but people think it’s acceptable online. They forget that behind the profile and the messages, there’s a real person.
The worst incident came recently when, after ten days without communication, I got a message saying, “I'm sorry for not getting back to you for so long. How have you been?”
I think an explanation of some sort is warranted. “My computer broke,” etc. would have been acceptable.
I’m trying to formulate a way of asking about it that doesn’t make me come across as aggressive or vindictive.
I feel like if I let this pass, I’m sending a signal that I’m OK with substandard treatment. I’m not.
Online dating communication, in its still-early stages, is essentially detached. It’s not personal; it’s the “business” of deciding whether to meet.
You’re still dealing with someone with whom you have no eyeball connection.
That’s why some people “disappear” for awhile… they get busy, often trolling other profiles looking for who else is out there.
Yes, it feels rude and disrespectful, and thoughtful people would take the time to explain.
Instead, this behaviour reveals an unappealing side of that person, which is useful for your own selection process.
I'm 12, very close with both Grandpa and my aunt but they fight a lot.
It’s hard to live up to Grandpa’s high expectations.
He yelled that I was a spoiled baby because I rejected certain foods due to health problems.
My aunt said he was overreacting. Grandpa yelled at her and pushed her to the floor.
Their big house had been my favorite place. Now they’re all moving apart. My mom doesn't trust them anymore so I’ll be seeing them less.
I feel Grandpa doesn't love me.
The bad feelings are between your aunt and her father. It’s not about you.
At 12, it’s hard to understand adults when they’re the ones misbehaving. Big changes, like moves, are also upsetting when the adults don’t explain their reasons.
Both these people do love you. Each was trying to show it more than the other. You’re smart and sensitive, so try to forgive them both and understand that your mom’s protecting you.
Tip of the day:
It’s better to risk telling a best friend about your love, than to lose him or her by staying silent.