I'm male, single, 27, and recently attended a summer family gathering. The first and most common question immediately asked by several extended family members whom I only see once every few years, was if I'm dating or in a relationship.
At this point, I'm so content being single. I have zero interest in dating or a relationship. I'm well educated and very focused on my professional career. I may also pursue an MBA in a few years.
I also have a very socially active life and almost all my friends are single.
I was in a bad relationship at age 23 and got dumped. That was extremely painful, which also adds to my lack of interest towards dating.
If I wait too long because my career and education are a priority, will I miss the boat on finding someone if I begin dating at 30 to 32?
You’ll only “miss the boat” for other reasons, unless you clear some of your thinking.
Start with being dumped. It happens to most people who didn’t marry their high school or college sweetheart. Carrying that old pain around into your approach to dating is far more destructive to having an open chance to find love at any age, than “waiting.”
Get over it; that was part of the maturing experience and being selective when you do date.
The other negative is setting some kind of deadline for dating seriously. It’s a set-up for zooming in on the first person who seems a likely candidate, before you get to know her well enough beyond a first attraction.
Spend some of your single time now reflecting on what you believe are your needs in a long-term partner, so you’ll know when you’ve met someone with similar core values, some mutual interests, and a healthy attraction between you, whatever age you may then be.
I’m 59, my common-law partner of four years is 65. He’s verbally and emotionally abusive. We’re retired, I have no pension or income, and so he pays for everything.
He told me during one of our many arguments that he’s "in love" with his best friend’s wife. He later said he was angry at the time he made the remark.
But I think they’ve had an emotional affair for many, many years.
I’m very unhappy. Do I stay because of the financial "gift" he’s giving me? Or do I need to start a new happy life for myself?
Finding a job and a place to live again at my age is terrifying.
Stuck or Scared
Think through all your options. Living with abuse for the sake of financial support is a lousy deal. You end up the loser.
Talk to people you trust about the likelihood of your being able to find work and accommodation.
Get legal information (call a legal aid clinic, and research the law for your jurisdiction) about common-law rights to some support after four years living together.
Meanwhile, upgrade whatever skills you have (perhaps by taking a computer course). You may be able to get some paid work from home. Being busy and less dependent on your partner may ease your situation and also create some savings.
Or, commit to volunteering outside the house, at a hospital, day care, wherever appeals and help is needed. It gets you away from the negative dynamic between you two, also meeting new people and having positive experiences. You’ll be far less terrified to decide your future once you have this confidence boost.
The neighbours, whose backyard’s adjacent to ours, are nice people but unaware of how to care for their trees and foliage so that others’ properties aren’t affected.
Every summer my husband has trimmed their branches, which overhang our fence.
Now, the height of their tree branches, allows squirrels to hop onto our roof, which has solar panels! The noise of their feet woke me up the other night.
What do you think of my presenting their name to a TV show for a backyard makeover? Too presumptuous?
If accepted, I think they’d enjoy their backyard more and I’d be happy with less of their tree foliage into our yard.
We Like Them
Too presumptuous and also backhanded. Be direct. With a friendly smile, say that the squirrels’ branch pathway has them hopping nightly overhead.
Then offer to share the cost with them of having their trees trimmed professionally, since the need is yours, not theirs.
Tip of the day:
A deadline to start dating seriously can delay meeting someone special or cause a too-rushed romance.