In 2005, my husband of 16 years successfully evicted me from our home and moved his girlfriend into it.
He’d called the police after I slapped him in anger. I’d never been “violent” before, but succumbed when he summoned 911.
I admitted the slap to police and they arrested me and brought me to jail.
That evening, his girlfriend moved in and I was officially evicted and barred from our matrimonial home.
I’d “walked” into his plan to get me out.
During that time, a close friend supported and helped me.
Recently, we were walking together and that woman was walking towards us. My friend spoke to her and I suddenly realized that she was friendly with her.
I later told her off with harsh language, but felt badly the next morning and asked for her forgiveness.
She suggested I needed therapy to deal with my anger towards this person.
She also doesn't believe that she did anything wrong... not even in the name of sisterhood.
Today, I ran this scenario by another friend and then learned that my best friend is very close with that woman, unbeknownst to me, and even socializes with her.
Am I overreacting to this information? I turned my life around, got remarried last year, and my best friend stood up for me.
I feel sick and betrayed, but am wondering if I’m missing something here…
Shaken and Uncertain
You’re “missing” the ten years in which other people disassociate from your hurts and grief, form new alliances, and justify their actions to themselves.
This easily happens over a decade.
But, your so-called best friend kept this friendship from you because she knew all along how it’d affect you.
You have held onto your anger (understandably, given how the cheating and upheaval of your life unfolded).
For the sake of your future peace of mind, therapy would be beneficial.
But one thing is clear: She should’ve explained this problematic friendship to you, before this.
I’m in a common-law relationship with my boyfriend of six years. His mother’s living in a friend’s home.
Due to a bankruptcy six or seven years ago, she couldn’t get a mortgage. A family friend purchased the home, and she takes care of all property financials.
Now the friend wants to sell, but my boyfriend’s mom doesn’t want to leave for five more years, until she retires.
We’ve been asked to purchase this home so she doesn’t have to move. We’re first-time homebuyers, currently looking for our own place.
My partner wants to do it for her. I do not. She has some history of irresponsible spending.
Her friend’s realtor has said this won’t affect our plans for buying our own home. But even after she’d move out we don’t plan to keep this for rental income.
Should I be more open to this or should it be avoided as a large short-term financial risk?
The friend’s realtor has vested interest in making the sale. Talk to a neutral realtor instead.
But be sure to also talk to a lawyer and a financial advisor about all possible risks.
A woman who’s gone bankrupt and overspends is not an inviting bet, unless you’re both made certain that the house can be easily sold, and that you can also afford to buy your own place together.
The decision should come from expert advice, not emotions. His mother can afford to rent elsewhere, since she can afford the payments and is still working.
I’m regretting that my girlfriend and I moved in together recently.
I can't stand her needy dog. This thing is on her, 24/7. We no longer sleep together. She kept the dog in the bed instead of me. It’s seriously affected our sex life.
I’ve become resentful. Her answer: "You knew I had a dog when you met me."
I love her, she says she never wants to lose me, but this dog’s causing me extreme stress.
The dog hasn’t affected your sex life… you two have.
There had to be compromises which neither of you have made.
She’s a committed dog-lover. Yet you call her pet “this thing” and resent it. She holds her dog closer in response.
Moving together was unwise, given this huge gap.
Show your love by suggesting that you find a trainer for you both, with the goal of a creating a healthy, positive, dog-people relationship.
Otherwise, end it.
Tip of the day:
Even close friends sometimes disappoint, by disregarding your hurtful “story” after time has passed.