Two of my married girlfriends are having affairs.
I’m married, with two children ages seven and five, and I work part-time. I also drive the kids to various activities, like sports, and their music or dance lessons.
I do all the food shopping and laundry, so I have little time for myself, let alone for a romance or even a fling!
But these women who tell me their stories create time for cheating.
One woman hires a babysitter to “do errands,” but actually meets her lover in the afternoon at a hotel.
Another woman lies to her husband that she’s having a “girls’ night out.” She’s sleeping with a married man whose wife travels for work.
I used to like and respect both women, who are old friends since high school. But their disrespect to their husbands and their kids is disgusting me.
I’ve kept my mouth shut so far, but is it wrong for me not to say what I think? Am I contributing to their cheating by seeming to approve of it?
Both women know you long enough to sense your personal standards.
However, by listening to their stories, you give tacit acceptance of what they’re doing.
It’s time to turn off their reporting, by saying you feel it’s their private business that you’d prefer not to know.
The message that it’s bothering you will be clear.
But there’s more to long friendship than judgment. This is an opportunity for you to say to each one that you worry about her, and where an affair can lead.
The longer cheating continues, the more whatever caused it, gets ignored. And the marriage grows deeper-rooted problems that aren’t resolved.
Despite her feelings of escapism, fun, or whatever each woman claims as reason for an affair, the future’s likely to bring exposure as a cheat, possible divorce, and troubled reactions from her children.
Showing you care may help move a friend to re-think her actions.
I was 13, living in England with a vicious father and a mum who didn't do anything about it. I had four siblings and I couldn't stand the beatings.
I ran away to sea with a friend who lived in similar circumstances… it was 1944, the war was still on.
We hitchhiked to Southampton and crawled through the barbed wire surrounding the docks. We hid in a crane. My buddy felt sick, so we got out of the crane and were promptly collared by a dockyard Policeman.
We were interrogated in the local police station, fed, and put to bed. The next day, with a policeman escort, we caught a train to our hometown.
When my mother opened the door, the Policeman told her she should stop my father's brutal behaviour immediately.
Things settled down just a little. I left school at 14, got a job, and joined the British Royal Navy at 15.
I loved every minute of it. One weekend I was at an afternoon party and, looking out a window, saw this gorgeous young lady walking along the road.
She came to the door, and we were introduced. It was love at first sight. I was 17. We married three years later.
Thanks for this touching and inspiring story of a young person’s determination to defy circumstances and find a better life. It’s not an easy task.
I include your experience as encouragement to others dealing with similar difficulties. It’s an example of how determination, courage, and optimism can help someone find lasting love.
What do I do when I have a crush on my best guy friend, but know that he likes someone else?
Continue to be a good friend - if you share some interests and enjoy doing things together, and IF you can handle this role.
Do NOT tell him that you have a crush on him, as you don’t want to embarrass yourself or him, or lose the friendship.
However, if you cannot take hearing his stories about the other person, speak up, and say you’re taking a break from the close friendship.
If he actually likes you, but has also been afraid to say so, he has the chance to speak up too. If not, you need to move on, to save your self-esteem.
This is especially important if the whole connection as friends is based on his using you as a confidant about his feelings for someone else.
Tip of the day:
When cheating’s the “story,” give a caring explanation why you’re tuning out.