I’ve been stuck with feelings for an old love for some time. We broke up three years ago. Afterward, we saw each other several times and both expressed that we had feelings for one another and that we see us being together in the future.

We had each been at challenging times in our lives during the time we’d been together and I can see now that the timing was just not right for us then.

I still have feelings for him but decided to distance from him, to control my feelings and help myself move forward.

I have moved on to a point but, whenever I’m dating someone else, I still have the thought in the back of my mind that I’d only be with this current boyfriend until the time comes for my ex and me. It’s prevented me from having successful relationships.

Part of me thinks that when you really love someone who also loves you, it’s worth the work. The other part of me says to move forward, just appreciate the time we both had, and if it’s meant to be, it would be. I’m having a hard time deciding which part of me is right!

Uncertain in Limbo

Love is certainly worth the work, but you both have to be talking and spending time together again, to get a reunion going.

If your own past “challenges” are now settled, or under control, contact him and see where he’s at with regard to whatever preoccupied him in those days.

It’s not a loss of control or backwards move just to check in on how he is.

You’ll soon hear or sense whether there’s mutual interest in a second chance for you two.

If not, that should be your turning point for telling yourself it’s over. You can only move forward if you stop daydreaming about what-if’s. Then, assess a new person who comes into your life on his own merit, and not by comparisons.

FEEDBACK Regarding the eldest Chinese son (June 28):

Reader – “He didn’t say whether he paid for food and lodging in his parents’ house after he started working. I assume he didn’t.

“So, for him to say his $1500/monthly was a "loan" is great selfishness as he feels no responsibility to help with his parents’ mortgage/home costs.

“As a Chinese, it’s sad to see this son have all the expectations from the parents, without his own obligations.

“My brother, an eldest son following the tradition of give and take, sees his responsibility to take care of my parents when they’re older.

“We help him carry out his financial and personal responsibilities.

“The writer didn’t mention exactly when his parents must sell their home to meet his mortgage "loan." I’m certain they only intend to sell when they need to, not at his convenience.

“Traditionally, most parents leave the home to their eldest son.

“I don’t see these parents having hope of his help in their old age - financially, emotionally or physically.

“This must be a bitter disappointment, as, within a Chinese context, it’ll hurt more than the money. Chinese parents are always expected to support their children in all their needs and education, sacrificing their own dream for the children's sake.

“I hope the son can honestly say he’s been fair to his parents. I believe he’s quite immature and unfair.”

Ellie – Several feedbacks presented this traditional view, which I felt was important to share (albeit based on assumptions about things the writer didn’t fully explain).

I met this guy, and then there was only one time when I really hung out with him – along with other friends - and that was a while ago.

So, we were next with a group of mutual friends at a bar a month ago. We hit it off and later we both said we'd like to go further. However, he said he wasn't sure if it was a rebound or not.

Now he feels like it would've been a rebound, and we’ve stopped being close. I'm wondering if he’ll ever think of me as more, or am I now stuck as a rebound to him?

Unsure of Status

Reality check: Nothing much happened. You’re not clear whether you fooled around or just flirted… but he was clear: Rebound.

He still has someone else in mind, and thinks anything “more” is too soon after a recent split.

Be friendly but cool. He’s not yet available.