My good friend recently got engaged and is getting married next year.
All she does is talk about herself.
It's constant and it's not just about the wedding, it's all about her.
Recently, at a friend's bachelorette party, she still talked all about her upcoming wedding, which I found rude and crass.
I'm not good with confrontation, and I'm unsure how I should handle this situation since she's very sensitive.
Other people have noticed it too.
Driving Me Nuts!
Self-absorption is a pretty persistent trait.
Was she like this previously but it didn’t bother you as much? Has the engagement sent her over the top?
Or, is it the wedding topic itself that’s annoying you, because you’re not at that stage too?
Whatever the answer, it shouldn’t take heavy confrontation if she’s truly a “good” friend.
Just say in private, but with a laugh, “enough about you,” and change the topic.
If that doesn’t work, say something to her straight-up but thoughtful, as in, “I’m so happy for your engagement and wedding plans…
“But maybe you’ve been too busy to notice that you haven’t shown interest in anything I’m doing and that hurts my feelings.”
If she overreacts to that, she’s not the good friend you thought she was.
My father-in law told my husband about having given his younger siblings their inheritance three years ago and that he supposed it was high time he did the same for us.
He said we should go buy a bigger house and he’d help us – a very generous surprise as we weren't expecting anything.
My husband didn’t go into the family business (as his brothers did) and has paid the price of not staying Daddy's favourite.
We'd accepted that a long time ago.
I’m now upset with both my husband and his father because he recently asked how we were doing with our mortgage.
Despite my husband just having been hired, finishing school, and having two children in full-time daycare, his father berated him for having an income problem.
He said his younger brothers were doing so much better financially, were much more respected, and that my sister-in-law was a well respected teacher as well.
He completely ignored all that we've accomplished in the past ten years of helping my husband do the only thing he ever wanted to do, and trashing me as well.
My husband still hasn't spoken to his father about how disrespected we feel.
He’s afraid that his father will exclude him from his acceptance and approval that he so desperately wants.
What can we do besides not having anything to do with this person ?
Your father-in-law has a controlling personality and can’t understand how his one son chose to do something other than what his dad wanted, and has apparently worked well for his brothers.
Your husband’s had equally strong will, which makes him more like his father in a good way, than either man realizes.
Cutting ties would just create a bigger family rift so should be avoided unless the situation becomes unbearable.
For ten years you two have done your own thing and succeeded. His father knows that.
Tell your husband he has been accepted and approved. His father just doesn’t want to give up all rights to comment.
To me, the best response is to keep doing what you two do, and be proud of it no matter his comments.
If he still carries on and you feel disrespected, say so. I doubt he wants to lose his son.
FEEDBACK Regarding the girlfriend upset because her boyfriend wouldn’t tell her his friends’ secret (Nov. 17):
Reader #1 – “He should be happy that she’s planning on leaving him. Her total over-reaction indicates that she’s extremely immature.
“She should’ve been proud that the couple felt they could trust him with their secret.
“The whole situation (the secret wedding, the printing of the announcement) sounds a little odd, but being able to trust someone is very important.
“It’s obvious that the writer could never be trusted with a secret or a confidence. Her guy may’ve become angry with her because she probably nagged him to death.
“Her boyfriend respected the wishes of the couple. Perhaps they could’ve told him that he could share the secret with his girlfriend, but maybe they know that she blabs about everything.
“If she doesn’t leave him, he should RUN as fast and as far as he can.”
Tip of the day:
Help a bride-to-be understand that she’s neglecting your friendship.