I’ve been dating a lovely man for than three years. We’re both 50. He’s devoted, loyal, and honourable.
However, he suffers from life-long low self-esteem, compounded by premature ejaculation (PE).
Our first year together sex was great, PE didn’t occur. He admits that in his previous relationships (two or three) and with his ex-wife, he eventually experienced PE.
I think that once he’s comfortable with a woman, he can’t last long.
I've gone through frustration, anger, not initiating (to take the pressure off) only to have him not making moves either.
We've gone three months without any sex, then it’ll re-start and we'll have another disappointing session.
Otherwise, we remain very affectionate and cuddly.
I’ve had several serious non-threatening discussions where I offer to work on this together, show him what the Internet offers in advice, discuss exercises, offer to buy creams for him, and advise him to seek counselling (he has coverage from work).
But he’s not motivated to address this problem though it’s killing our relationship and his self-esteem.
I feel he’s not even interested in searching for a solution.
I’m not giving up yet, but I don't see how this can work long-term if we proceed to live together.
He shuts down whenever a difficult conversation begins. I gave him an ultimatum about addressing the problem a month ago.
He returned with expensive flowers and it hasn't been mentioned since. Neither have we had sex since.
This isn’t about him being intimidated by my sexual prowess.
I'm at a loss for the right kind of persuasion to propel him to seek help toward his betterment and our relationship.
Yet I know he’d be devastated if I broke up with him.
It’s happened to him enough times that he knows the conclusion: His women leave him.
So far, he’d rather face that conclusion than struggle and fail, or discover that there’s something seriously wrong with him (not so likely) or have to follow a treatment plan (which actually could work).
So he’s leaving it up to you.
You mention his fine qualities but say nothing of love. Talk to a counsellor yourself, and decide what you’re willing to live with… or not.
I've always been the "good" kid of the family. I do as much as I can for everyone around me.
I have a young son, whom my grandmother watches as I work full-time, and I pay her an agreed amount.
I also gave her money awhile back to fix her windshield, which still hasn’t been done. Then I had to take the money back to pay for a few things and my grandmother ended up paying for the windshield on her own.
Now my family’s against me for taking back the money. I'm a single mom and it's a struggle to make ends meet. But I'm trying my best to make it on my own.
I'm tired of everyone talking about me behind my back (to my boyfriend, too).
How should I approach this? My grandmother had no problem with giving me back the money and understood completely.
Too Much Gossip
Ask your grandmother to tell the family that she’s fine with what happened, and that their chatter’s hurtful to her, as well as you.
Then hold your head high and ignore the chatter. The gossips will have to move on to something else.
You and your grandmother know what’s most important – both of you working and co-operating on caring for your youngster and managing a home for him.
Frequently, when I’ve invited someone to dinner or a party, they’ve accepted but don't show.
Invariably, they blame me for not reminding them! I usually respond that they should keep a day-planner for their appointments.
However, I'm left with a ruined dinner, or worried that the invited person had an accident/emergency, but I'm never offered an explanation or an apology from anyone.
I never invite them again.
It's sad when people cannot take responsibility for their own bad behaviour.
Everyone loses – your dinner’s ruined, and the no-shows get no second chance.
Yet the repeat of this pattern is something to re-consider.
As life gets busier for many people, along with increased distractions from social media, many social invitations come with a reminder closer to the date.
This is about reality, not about blaming you.
An email, text, or phone-call reminder only takes a moment but saves the meal and the friendship.
Tip of the day:
When only one partner’s trying to save the relationship, it’s a lose-lose.