I've been seeing this guy since January, but we've had a rocky relationship from the get-go. But everything's really good when it’s good.
I love him to the ends of the earth, and he does as well.
Last week we took some time off.
He's been seeing this girl he says is just a friend. Whenever I’d bring it up as being otherwise, he’d get upset that I didn't trust him or because I wouldn't let it go.
This week we fought and it got physical.
He's never done that before. He broke down in tears, got on his knees, and begged me to forgive him.
Do I leave, or do I try and fix things?
How do I approach him with my concerns, without him getting upset?
Nothing else is going to save you from this happening again.
If you stay, he can hit you again. That’s the message you’ll be giving.
He loves himself, most. He can see another woman, he can lash out if you ask about it, and he does whatever he wants.
A rocky relationship from the start doesn’t get better once your eyes are blackened.
His anger is about you making him unhappy, not about hurting you.
You can’t even discuss “concerns” without him getting upset.
Make a safe and private plan to leave him. His fists already said everything about your future together.
If he threatens, stalks, or pursues you, inform the police. He’s abused you once and will again.
I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, married for 18 months now.
When we were dating in our 10th year, I was very lonely and reconnected online with an old high-school fling.
One night, while inappropriately late-night chatting with him, (huge mistake), my boyfriend discovered it.
He was heart-broken and so was I.
I’d hurt him badly and wasn't sure we’d ever move past it… but we did and later got engaged.
Recently, while I was in my husband’s email, I discovered photos of girls we both know which he’d saved on multiple occasions, years after my terrible mistake.
When confronted, he said that when he was upset after numerous fights he thought that he’d hurt me by holding onto these photos.
I don't know if just having those pictures was all that it was – or if there’s more to it.
This is killing me.
I know I hurt him so bad in the past and I want to believe him because he stuck by me.
How do we move past this and make this marriage work? Do I just forget and forgive? How do we fix this right now?
Fact check: During a “lonely” patch six years ago, you indulged in “inappropriate chatting” with a former fling.
For years, he’s been saving women’s photos so you could find them and be hurt.
Now you think your marriage is “broken” and you want an instant fix.
Sorry, but the obvious answer is this: Grow Up, both of you!
Relationship repair starts with sharing self-awareness, which means talking about why you felt so alone while you two were together.
Something needed to be “fixed” back then.
Instead, you’ve both focused only on guilt (yours) and revenge (his).
Get to marital counselling.
Learn how to talk openly to each other, to cry and apologize and air your disappointments, then work together to move beyond it all.
No matter your ages, your past is behind you and your future as a couple is only as good as you both are willing to make it.
I’m 63, a stay-at-home mom for 20 years, living with a hoarder. Our house is an embarrassing disgrace.
I never have family over. My kids are enraged with me because I “allowed it.”
We’re going bankrupt with his shopping for things he wants.
He made a very good living and spent every dime.
I want to leave but can't financially manage on my own.
I’m depressed but there are long waits for affordable counselling.
Dying On My Feet
There are associations that help people living with hoarders. Do a Google search and make contact.
They can provide the understanding about your situation which you need, as well as guidance to improve whatever’s possible to adjust/change.
Hoarding is a complex disorder, greatly challenging those who live with it.
You need support and should tell your children that blaming you is totally unfair.
Some support agencies regarding hoarding, may be able to provide affordable counselling for you.
Tip of the day:
Physical abuse is unacceptable, period.