I love my partner, but his sex drive well exceeds mine.
Over the past four years of my marriage I've enthusiastically accommodated his requests. We have sex multiple times daily.
I'm often woken up at all hours of the night or, if I'm lucky, before the sun rises.
Sure I enjoy it, but I sometimes resent that I can't say "No" without him getting angry or pressuring me to engage in some other way.
I know that an active and fulfilling sex-life is the pillar of a lasting marriage but there has got to be some middle ground.
Many pillars hold up a lasting marriage. One is definitely labelled “compromise.”
It’s not impossible regarding sex, even though a big gap in your sex drives can seem daunting.
Saying “No” to a third sexual approach in one day should not arouse his anger… instead, mild frustration is far more understandable and he can easily end it by satisfying himself.
The fact that he gets angry or pressures you when you’ve already been a willing sex partner hours before is more concerning than the different levels of libido.
It can easily build greater resentment in you and even, emotionally, turn you off sex with him.
This is still an early part of your marriage and you’re still in love, so gently explain to him that you two need to work this out beyond just “Okay,” or “Not Again.”
You need to understand each other, not coerce or avoid.
Sex therapists often deal with this issue. Consider seeing one together to find a solution that satisfies you both, while still keeping you close.
We’ve been together for over two months, and it's different from my past relationships. I'm 19 and he's 28.
I was wondering, do you have to love each other to be in a relationship?
I got so happy when he said he loved me through text but he was drunk and didn't remember it the next day, and he said it's too soon.
I don't know if I love him but I know that we really like each other.
We don't see other people and we see each other every weekend. Is this bad?
He's also not a big fan of commitment which I don't mind. I'm still young.
I've talked to him but I haven't got much information. He's not afraid of commitment, he just doesn't want it, from what he observes in other people.
Confused About Love
At 19, relationships may involve feelings of love, but they’re not usually about lifetime commitment. And he knows it.
For your part, his statement of love (albeit while drunk, and not said in person), was what you wanted to hear, to feel secure and desired.
Seeking love at this age isn’t usually a final step, but part of maturing and learning who’s right and who’s wrong for you.
But he, at 28, has likely been in previous relationships, and he’s not at all confused. He wants a steady girlfriend for now, and nothing more.
You ask, “Is this bad?”
Yes, if you believe that he’ll change his mind on commitment. That’s unlikely.
It’s okay to date exclusively for now. But if and when you feel that the relationship has reached a level that’s not helping you grow, or is going stale, you won’t owe this boyfriend other than the loyalty you’ve given him till then.
He’s not interested in commitment, and you’re not ready to settle long-term for anyone.
I’ve liked a guy for over a year. But he never talks to me.
I think he's shy, but when I started to talk to him, I bumped into a wall.
I found out at school that he’s interested in Space, is smart, and has no social media.
He never goes to lunch. He always stays upstairs, but I don't know how to talk to him.
Does he like me? Whenever I turn my head, he's looking at me and he also talked to me about my bumping into the wall.
He may like you as a person, but he’s shy. He’s not into socializing at lunch or having a girlfriend, or being popular on social media.
But he may enjoy friends with similar interests – e.g. other Space nerds, smart kids.
If you share any special interests – like science, math, music – he might be happy to talk with you.
But he’s unlikely to date anyone now.
Tip of the day:
Differing sex drives can be accommodated, but not by anger, pressure, or resentment.