At what point in time in dating would you "attempt" or "try" to kiss the girl? How do you do it?
I’m a 32-year-old guy, quite shy, never dated until age 29, when I dated my first girlfriend. After 15 dates she asked if she could kiss me. Things didn't work out and I was single a year later.
I recently got set up with someone, and we hit it off. We went on eight dates. Each date would normally end with a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye. Date #6: I asked if I could kiss her. I received a closed-lipped kiss. Date #8: She picked me up at home and, after a movie, dropped me off. I said goodnight without doing anything.
I’ve found out that she likes me but doesn’t want to go into an "exclusive" relationship because she’s not ready. But, she wanted to know what I would do at the end of Date #8, which is why she drove her car.
Presumably I’m doing something wrong or can’t see some sign to proceed with a kiss.
- Shy Guy
Shy is endearing, but holding back feels rejecting. Your dates don’t know what’s going on, since – rightly or wrongly – they’re likely more used to a guy interested in kissing sooner.
There are no hard and fast rules, but generally, the first-date kiss should only be a cheek peck, and the first lip kiss should be a gentle contact to test response. The Hollywood-style open-mouth passion kiss follows when you’re both feeling some heat.
When should that happen? Show your interest by holding hands, touching her shoulder, making contact. Do this when you truly feel you want to keep seeing her.
If she’s comfortable with sitting close and with physical gestures, go for the lip-brushing kiss. The rest should follow more naturally.
Dear Readers: Here’s one for you to weigh in on - the timing of the kiss - and I’ll print a sample of YOUR advice to Shy Guy. Should a guy ask for a kiss? What are the signals he should recognize, to know it’s time to lock lips?
My partner and I both have children from previous marriages – their ages range from adolescence down to Grade One.
Though his children’s mother wanted my partner to leave, she doesn’t like the idea of him creating a new family with someone else. She sets the children against their dad and interferes with visits we do have with them.
How do we cope, and how do we show the children that their mother's claims are not true?
Do NOT bad-mouth the children’s mother. Young kids who live with their Mom must of necessity be loyal to her.
Let your actions prove your good intent.
Don’t rush the children; Dad should sometimes see his kids on their own, without always pushing them into the “new family” scene. This comes more easily in time, as his children gradually get to know yours, and become relaxed in your home.
Since his ex is acting mean-spirited, your husband and you should see a family counsellor to work on strategies to bring his children to a comfort level with the new situation.
• The Ontario Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (OAMFT) provides referrals to registered therapists in your area. See www.oamft.on.ca; call 1-800-267-2638.
After 10 years of marriage, I’m separated, yet afraid of letting him go. He’s put our home on the market.
I’ve had childhood and family issues. There’ve been problems where it was hard for me to open up and express my hurt that was brought on by my family issues.
It’s tearing me apart to know that I’ve failed my marriage and myself.
I’m in counselling, but I have no family members who’ll talk to me. I’m so alone and afraid.
Help me, before it’s too late.
You must open up to your counsellor, especially about feeling so desperate. You should also see your medical doctor to get treatment for your depression.
Divorce is not an easy process for anyone; it often also brings out old hurts and anxieties. But hanging on to someone only from fear of being alone doesn’t solve marital problems.
You need ongoing professional help to learn to separate the past from your current life. And you CAN have a future with easier, happier relationships, once you heal those inner, past hurts.
Tip of the day:
A first kiss is only an introduction, not a do-or-die performance.