My friend’s boyfriend doesn't visit her or pay attention to her, from what she tells me. She’s turned to other male friends for attention.
However, she’s befriending guys who openly like her. She doesn't reject their advances because, supposedly, she’s afraid to hurt their feelings.
She continues to make plans with them, while also telling them that she isn't in a relationship, but does have a love interest.
I feel this behavior’s damaging for her and them. She’s leading them on and using them.
She’s admitted being needy of constant attention and that some problems with her boyfriend stem from that. But she doesn't see this as a bad thing nor want to change her ways.
She's already had one guy become obsessed with her, bordering stalker tendencies.
Instead of cutting him off, she still hangs out with and constantly talks to him.
Should I intervene and say her behaviour’s destructive and misleading to other men, and she needs to work on her self-esteem issues?
I think that she uses the attention to get a boost of confidence but it’s only a temporary high and immediately she’s looking for it from the next person.
I’ve seen a lot of men get hurt from her and I want her to realize she doesn't need attention to validate her. She’s amazing and should be proud of who she is.
Your perceptions are probably accurate, but your role as a friend, and not a therapist, limits you from being able to accomplish an effective “intervention.”
You, too, give her attention, which is why she tells you every detail of her successes with all these men.
If you criticize her behaviour, she’ll simply find another avid listener.
But if you truly care about her, take a risk and suggest counselling. Tell her you know that she’s “awesome,” but she doesn’t. Say that encouraging a stalker and leading guys on can end up being dangerous.
Tell her if she loves her boyfriend, her neediness will drive him away. But getting professional therapy will probe its causes and give her strategies to overcome neediness.
My baby shower is in late summer. My problem is my brother-in-law’s wife. I stopped associating with the couple (as did my husband) after last Christmas, when she yelled at me about shaken baby syndrome.
I’ve never shaken a child and never would.
This was just one of her unusual behaviors which made me question her mental health.
My husband and I had distanced ourselves for over a year beforehand. We were walking on eggshells around them at every get-together.
My sister-in-law hates the friend hosting my shower so I’d hope she’d choose not to attend anyway.
I’m wondering whether to be the better person and invite them for the sake of family, or just exclude them.
My mother-in-law will surely add them to her requested guest list.
You already know what being “the better person” means. Invite them.
It’s not easy to accept other people’s odd behaviour, but if close relatives can’t have compassion for people with mental health issues, who can? And how will they get help to find out what’s affecting them, if no one cares to broach the subject even though it’s so sensitive?
Perhaps the fact you and your husband had distanced yourselves before this last outburst, put her on edge.
Meanwhile, your husband’s brother could use some understanding about dealing with his wife. Or, enough tolerance to have them attend a family-based event.
My best friend's daughter is getting married soon. My friend and her family will be going to the hotel the night before.
I'm pretty sure she's going to ask me to drive her neighbor whom I drove to the bridal shower. She’s in her 70's (I'm in my 60's) and my friend doesn't want her to drive on her own.
At the shower she drank too much wine and verbally attacked my religion and didn't stop until I walked away. I don't really want to go through that again and/or be responsible for an elderly lady getting drunk. What should I do?
Tell your friend you’d like to help but the last unpleasant encounter put you off. Ask if there’s another potential driver, or whether a taxi service can be hired for the occasion.
If there’s no other solution, be a best friend and help out. If possible, find another guest who can accompany you.
Tip of the day:
If you believe a friend/relative needs professional help, say so (kindly).