My partner and I are together over six years and we are raising a teenager and two young children. The two youngest are ours together; the teenager is mine from a previous relationship.

I've always wanted to get married and he dodges it. Two years ago, he finally bought me a beautiful engagement ring. BUT, I didn't get a proposal with it. He keeps saying "we'll get married someday," but it never seems to happen.

When I was pregnant with our youngest, he said we'd be married before the baby arrived. But THAT didn't happen. He knows it bothers me, and laughs it off saying "well be together forever" but implies, unmarried.

He was married before, and it was a short-lived disaster. I've never been married. I don't even want the big wedding. I just want to say the vows in front of our kids and close family, a small wedding. The vows are very important to me.

I feel it's a lack of commitment on his part. I'm not about to leave him, but I don't think the resentment I'm building is healthy for our relationship, either.

We saw a counselor together. The counsellor asked him why he won't marry me and my partner said, he will marry me, but then it doesn't happen and there's no discussion about it.

Is he not really committed to me? If he doesn't want to get married, why doesn't he just say it?

Confused and Waiting

Stop waiting. There's no confusion here, just a failure to accept on both your parts. Each of you has very strong feelings about marriage, from your past situations. He hated it; you crave it.

Yet neither of you wants to lose the other. So instead of talking it out openly and coming to some agreement on when, how, or, what if never, you both play the game of waiting for the other to change.

Be smart, and stop the pressure (yes, even the silent pressure of doubting his commitment). You apparently have a good family life together. Enjoy it.... once you both acknowledge each other's equally valid feelings, things will move forward naturally, in time.

How do you help your child to overcome the guilt feelings and perceived stigma of having a birthday on 9/11? My daughter turned 15 on September 11, 2001 and has hated the date of her birthday ever since. For years she felt guilty about celebrating it.
There may be other concerned parents with children's birthdays on this date. What advice can you give to help these kids feel better about their September 11th birthdays?

Concerned Mom

This obsession with a date is about her dramatized sense of self and insecurity, more than about her actual birthday. She bears no true guilt related to the tragic events of that day, and knows it by all logical standards.

But having turned 15 that day put her into a profoundly impressionable time. It's a common age reaction among many teenagers, especially girls, as their hormonal changes get more pronounced, and being on the brink of womanhood becomes more scary.

Your daughter immediately identified with the 9/11 horrors and losses, and hasn't let go. She needs counseling, the sooner the better, to keep her from over-dramatizing more and more circumstances that occur in her life, many of which she can't control.

BUT she can react, and her pattern has become to overreact. Encourage her to turn this response around, with professional help.

I was really excited and happy when, in class, I sat next to the guy I like. But recently my teacher asked him to move (he always asks people to move). So the guy doesn't sit next to me anymore. I was really sad for half the day. Worst of all, he now sits next to the girl I can't stand (and she can't stand me!)

She's probably going to get him to like her and make me jealous. He was really funny and intelligent. I feel like I'm missing part of that class now, I feel like I'm going to burst into tears. What should I do?

Depressed

Get a grip. The thing that's really going to turn this intelligent guy off is your sad looks and downbeat mood whenever you're in this class together. Participate in class and stand out by being informed and enthusiastic. He'll notice you.