Following are some of the many responses I received regarding a woman’s complaint about her partner’s untrained dog (March 28):
Reader #1 – “Think long and hard before furthering a more serious relationship with this person.
“If he cannot commit to raising this dog in any socially responsible way, makes no purposeful effort in resolving the problems with the dog, and the problems it causes for you, he lacks the motivation to commit to his responsibilities.
“Your happiness and the dog’s happiness are on the bottom of the totem pole. That should be a red flag going into the future, particularly if you’re hoping to have children with this person.
“You also say you’re terrified to lose your boyfriend. Ask yourself how much will you put up with, and where do you draw the line with his behaviour towards you and the dog?
“Both you and the dog deserve more than he’s willing to provide.”
Reader #2 – “I’m a dog lover. When I got him three years ago from a dog shelter, he destroyed every door and chewed on all the wood in the apartment.
“He was a cuddly but disturbed 15-pound poodle spaniel, two years old. I fell in love with him and felt I needed to give him so much love, direction, security, and hope that overcame his past. IT DID!”
Reader #3 – “This woman’s story here isn’t about dogs. She knew this dog for the five years she’s been with her boyfriend.
“She didn’t train him properly during the three weeks the guy was away. Like him, she didn’t take responsibility either.
“Her own dog’s perfect but his is not... yet she must’ve seen this issue from the get-go, and to ignore it until it affects her health says there’s some disconnection between her and her boyfriend.
“It’s more about the relationship than the dog. The couple seems to not agree on anything. Now she’s depressed about the dog. They’ve been to therapy and arrived at no answer about the dog. BECAUSE IT IS NOT ABOUT THE DOG.”
Reader #4 – “Ditch the boyfriend. Fast. If he doesn't understand that boundaries are necessary in any relationship, including with pets, heaven help her and especially any children this couple might have.
“If he has her trapped in the house because of the dog, this lady is already in a relationship headed for disaster!”
Reader #5 – “This woman only has two choices - leave her boyfriend or take the bull by the horns and train the dog herself and become his “mother."
“The behaviour isn’t the dog's fault, most times it starts with bad dog-owners!
“She’ll become closer to this dog by training it.
“Remind her that if the dog is put up for adoption, he may be euthanized!”
Reader #6 – “This woman’s most serious issue is that she's "terrified" of leaving her boyfriend.
“A second huge Red Flag is the complete and utter lack of respect this boyfriend is showing her, and the people around them.
“He has no regard to the impact his dog is having on her and others, and he doesn't seem to care.
“His behaviour speaks volumes - he won't show up for training, he won't take care of his dog, and he chooses to disregard his girlfriend’s needs. What a partner!
“Without getting counselling for her (and her attachment issues), and for them (and his lack of respect and caring for her), there’s no hope for a couple like them.”
More often than realized, some parents use their children as a control mechanism and pawn against grandparents.
It has nothing to do with the "welfare" of the child, but is simple abuse.
As a result, grandparents are deprived of their grandchildren, while spouses isolate their partners from their parents.
Out of selfishness, they deprive their child of the most beautiful youth memories – the love and care of grandparents.
My advice to grandparents in these cases is to try to accept it, keep loving your grandchild from a distance, and focus on your own life and other children who don’t have grandparents.
Instead of gifts that won’t be accepted, set up an education fund in the child's name that will show the grown child how much you did care.
Don’t destroy your own life over a mean-spirited and self-righteous individual.
Ellie – I say, try every way possible to maintain some connection to the grandkids.
Tip of the day:
A persistently misbehaving dog often reflects the owner more than the pet.