I’m 20, in a long-distance relationship with a businessman man, who’s six years older than me, and lives 2000 kilometers away.
We met on Facebook, and then started phone calls. He used to talk a lot for hours, and he always showed his love and caring for me.
Then things went wrong in his work and he was busy.
Now he doesn’t text or call. He’s busy all day and nights even.
I wait the whole day for him and he’ll maybe call at night. Can’t he call to say that he’s home but going to sleep, so I could stop waiting to hear from him?
When I asked him this, he started shouting at me that I overreact to situations, and that I don't understand what he’s going through.
Recently, he got home at 1am fully drunk. I called him and he said he couldn’t tell me each and every thing that’s happening in his life.
He’s totally pissed off, but I don't know why.
I’m studying in my final year, focused on my dreams, and I know the value of having aims in life as well.
Is it me who’s expecting too much? Or, does he not find it important to tell me he’s sleeping so that I don't wait to hear from him till 2am?
He told everyone at his home about me and said they’re all happy with our relationship. But I feel he’s taking me for granted.
Whenever I ask him if he wants to breakup, or is there something else happening in his life, he’s like, “stop your nonsense.”
It’s becoming hard to focus on my studies.
Your studies are toward an important life goal that you can manage and control. This relationship is the opposite.
You’ve never met him or his family in person, and know little about him, other than what he tells you.
Now you can’t get a direct answer as to why he’s distancing from you.
You want/need to know he still cares, but he’s just keeping you dangling now.
Without a plan about when you’ll actually get together, this is too remote a connection to call a relationship.
At 20, there are too many opportunities ahead for meeting people you can get to know in person, to hang in on this man who’s become remote from you.
My husband and I divorced when my son was age two. He’s four now and an only child.
However, my new husband and I are having a baby who’ll arrive any day. Whenever we mention it to my son he yells, "NO BABY!" and then asks to have a nap.
I’m worried. He will have to give up his crib, and his "Ba-RA" (pacifier) and he's that type of kid that cannot handle change.
How do I help him?
Mama in Malibu
Don’t force changes on him that are NOT necessary. Buy the “big boy” bed for him to “grow into,” but let him have his crib for now and his pacifier.
The baby can sleep in a bassinette for awhile, or a second crib. These can often be borrowed within a friendship group, or bought second-hand (and wiped down hygienically) if the costs are an issue.
Your toddler experienced a major change very early in life. Help him thoughtfully with this one, and he can become more adaptable and resilient.
If his reaction to the baby is still very strong and persists, ask your doctor for referral to a therapist who specializes in helping children.
My husband and I are seniors, married for 47 years. We’ve been in and out of crises throughout our marriage due to long-standing problems that were never properly addressed or resolved.
We did previously try counselling for awhile.
Now we’re in a new phase and need some help.
Can you please recommend some good counsellors in our specific area?
You’re wise to recognize that every new phase of life calls for a re-set of some ideas, behaviour patterns, and expectations of yourself and your partner.
Counselling can give you the insights needed to handle new issues, plus changes in yourselves and your circumstances.
I don’t recommend individual therapists because the counselling process calls for the “right fit” between clients and professional, which only you can judge.
But if you Google or go to my website www.ellieadvice.com to read, “Find A Therapist” on the home page, there are tips for seeking counselling help in any locale.
Tip of the day:
Long-distance beau backs off without explanation? Move on.