I recently broke up with my girlfriend of five months because I felt we had few common interests and we’re from different backgrounds culturally. 

Also, she grew up in the city and wants to live there close to her friends and family. I grew up in the country and would like to live there someday.

We’re both early-30s. I felt that if we were to marry, I’d have to compromise too much just to be with her, which would create unhappiness and resentment for both.

I feel terrible about ending it and have thought about getting back together. She thought we could work things out.

We both like each other a lot and I still have strong feelings for her.

Would it be a mistake to get back together or should I find someone else?

- Torn

Every couple has some differences in background - what matters most is whether your core values are close, and your feelings for each other strong enough to want to work things out. 

Yes, you’ll have to compromise and so will she. Example: urban life for career and a family network; country life for all vacations, weekends camping, a cottage when affordable.

Currently, you’re looking at each other as finished individuals with some opposing views. Instead, consider whether you can become a team, trying to find middle ground and enough creative solutions to please each of you.

My relative recently decided to leave her husband of 10 years for her ex-boyfriend who got out of jail after serving several years. 

While her family loves her, we sympathize with her husband. He may not be perfect but he nobly took on her children and treated them as his own.

Her boyfriend is the father of at least 2 of her kids and she’s eager to get the kids to like him even though they barely know him.

I’m concerned that she’ll want to bring the boyfriend around to the rest of us. Though I don’t respect them both, I don’t want to be rude.

How can I be friendly to people who are so selfish?

- Hiding Feelings

Less judgment, and more family compassion for someone you all claim to love. Not to mention those children for whom you express some concern. 

You don’t have to like her choice, nor get close to her boyfriend, but there’s nothing gained by excluding them (and the children) from family gatherings. Stable, caring relatives can provide a healthy family model for those kids, and hopefully the couple, too.

You can still be supportive to her husband by seeing him at times when he may still be visiting with the children.

If this doesn’t happen, perhaps you can help their mother see that it’s unwise to let the children feel that he abandoned them. It can lead to troubled, angry children just when she needs them to be open with their real father.

What does one do at a dinner table when one guest talks loudly about politics with which you and others disagree vehemently? 

When there’s alcohol involved, the tension gets pretty strong and I feel like leaving, or, if it’s my house, throwing the person out.

- Fed Up

Always exercise your opinion with your vote, not your anger. At the table, speak up instead about the need for everyone to agree to disagree, and change the topic. 

If someone remains belligerent, stop serving him/her alcohol, and ask the person to cool down, or leave the table awhile.

My younger sister, 13, is dressing and acting racey for her age. Since she started middle school, she’s been acting a lot older. My mom and I go shopping with her and choose appropriate clothing, but she always changes once she’s at school. 

The school is always calling about her clothes and she’s even been suspended. My parents are getting fed up. How can I help?

- Trying to Help

Talk to your sister about what her day is like at school, what’s going on with her friends, what pressures she feels now that she’s a teenager. Do NOT criticize her clothes, nor speak for your parents. 

With understanding, you can help her take a second look herself at what she feels she has to do to be accepted, and why.

Also, help her recognize that while style is personal, school rules are not, and defiance is self-defeating if she’s expelled.