My parents had always been very stable, but the situation has changed.
My dad lost both his parents within eight months, and switched jobs.
My mom's had disappointments at work and her parents' health deteriorated.
My siblings and I were all in university, adding to financial stress.
My parents had a big fight last week and Dad mentioned divorce to me. I don't know what to do or say, and they don't discuss these things with their friends or family. I suggested getting counselling, but the idea was shot down.
I'm the only person Dad speaks to about this.
How do I convince them that they may need a therapist?
Are there resources for couples who don't have the money to spend on needed counselling?
I'm not trying to prevent a divorce; if my parents will be happier divorced, then that's what I want for them. We just don't want to see them so angry at each other.
Their lives revolve around meeting the needs of us three children, and it's hurtful to see that they fail to recognize each other's needs.
It's unfair of your father to burden you. He and you mother are both stressed for valid reasons. They need to problem-solve how to deal with their current crises at work and with their own parents, before they can deal with the complex realities of considering a marriage breakup.
Tell Dad this.
And tell him you're too young and personally affected by their actions to be his confidante.
Professional counselling is the intelligent course to pursue, and affordable help is available through a pastoral counsellor of their faith, or through a community agency.
I'm a father of two beautiful children, and involved in a bitter custody/separation dispute for two years.
Unfortunately, my ex-wife was diagnosed with mental illnesses and has been abusing the children both physically and emotionally.
The children's school has reported abuse to child welfare officials on multiple occasions. The children have made it clear to everyone that they want to reside with me.
I was recently accused by counsellors that I was too involved with my children and was leading them to complain. I haven't seen or heard from the kids for two months. I'll do whatever is required to keep them safe.
Yes, there was pressure by me to have them speak to someone if they felt they weren't safe when with their mother. This was based on months of complaints to me, by the kids, about their mothers' behaviour. Yet, this has been perceived as alienation.
I went through all of my money and unless I'm self-represented (which I don't know how to do), I cannot continue fighting for the kids.
My ex now has women's advocacy groups backing her as well as child welfare people.
I empathize with all involved, especially the children, in such bitter disputes.
You need help learning your rights, how to represent yourself and the mandate of the child welfare authorities.
Abuse is illegal, and the children and/or witnesses need to continue to alert school and children's services to ensure their safety.
Contact Legal Aid to find out how you can get help proceeding, whether with a lawyer or on your own.
Meanwhile, do everything possible to contact the kids (e.g. through a relative), without harassing them or the household. Let them know you are available to them whenever they choose, but don't pressure them in any way.
I was stupidly seeing a guy with a girlfriend for two years. We had an amazing connection yet he wouldn't break up with her.
The last time he told me he wanted to work on their relationship, I cut him out of my life. Now, he still wants to be friends. He makes me feel unreasonable for avoiding him.
I, too, would like to be friends because I love him and miss him terribly, but I know he'll be wanting me to give him all that's missing in his relationship, and I'll be hurt again.
What can I do?
- Consolation Prize
You can straighten your spine and say, “NO”.
Here's what he's giving you: his cheating has lowered your self-esteem.
What you two have together is his need for outside sex, and your fear of being on your own without a guy.
Find one who's available and wants only you.
Tip of the day:
Divorce is not the logical solution to outside stresses and should be decided after other crises are handled.