My boyfriend of seven years and I both have children from our first marriages. His are young adults, living with his ex; mine are in elementary school, living with me without any contact or support from my ex.
His children don’t want to meet me, though he was separated and had other relationships long before me.
Also, he won’t introduce me to his parents and siblings. When they have a function, I’m not acknowledged or invited. He’s met my parents, not my siblings; he’s uninterested, which hurts me.
When he wants to vacation with his kids (without me), his ex tags along - EVERY TIME. He claims they want Mommy to come. I say, as adults, they don’t need her, but he sees nothing wrong with it.
When we’re together (80% of the time) he’s good to me and great with my kids. He does things with them, and helps take care of their needs and wants.
He’s constantly getting calls from his ex for tiny things... even un-clogging a drain. She’ll call in the middle of the night to whine about one of their kids, and he’ll take off to deal with the child.
I’m thinking of moving on without him. When I approach this subject, we always argue. I’m worried how my kids will feel, as they’ve become very attached to him as have I.

- Tired of It

A relationship “deal” like this one – with exclusions and ex’s intrusions - is only acceptable IF you agree to it.
Clearly, it bothers you, yet he’s made your relationship secondary to three others: that with his kids (more common and fairly understandable); his ex (far less so); and his relatives (unreasonable). He may be good to your kids, but NOT to you, since he disregards your feelings and diminishes your place in his life.
However, if you can live with an 80 per cent relationship, and feel there’s enough value in it, then you’ll have to accept the arrangement and stop asking for change. His ex’s hold may even lessen as his kids leave home, but you can’t bet on it.
Otherwise, leave him. Your kids can be told that mom’s emotional well-being is more important to them than a man who’s only got one foot in the door.

My close cousin is having an engagement party; he lived with me since childhood but has moved out. I love him but disapprove of his girlfriend; she’s not the good person he thinks she is.
My parents and my dad’s relatives also disapprove. He’s said he wouldn’t be going to the engagement party and that me, my mom and my sister wouldn’t be allowed to attend (but he once said that we could).
If we boycott it, my cousin’s parents and other relatives will get angry. Should my family and I go for the sake of maintaining peace?
What’s the best way to deal with this without creating family problems?

- In the Middle

You already have family problems, so don’t fool yourself that this “disapproval” attitude is okay.
Your cousin has a right to choose his bride, the same right you’ll want for yourself. If it’s a mistake, it’s his to discover. Otherwise, it’s just possible that you and your father are wrong, or don’t have all the facts, or are narrow-minded, even bigoted.
As for the party, attend. Or else give up your notions of family harmony. Your cousin will be especially hurt since you’ve been close and his family entitled to their anger.

My brother and I fell out two years ago, over household chores. I was 20, he was 17. We’d previously had a good relationship.
Though I’ve tried to patch things up, he doesn’t speak to me directly, ever. Our family condones this behaviour; he treats them with love and respect.
I moved out, partly because of this strained relationship. I might have to return for financial reasons, and see a lot more of him.
How should I deal with him?

- Hurt and Insulted

Seek every other means of accommodation, first, lest living together feel intolerable after living apart.
But if it’s essential, then seek help “handling” the situation with the family. Help them see that condoning this shut-out does your brother no favour: he can’t always dismiss anyone with whom he disagrees.
Meanwhile, send a letter of apology. He obviously found your approach as insulting back then, as you find his now.