My wife and I separated two years ago; there are no issues with custody and access regarding our daughter, who’s 10. My wife has her full time, but I get her every other weekend and an additional night weekly.
By all accounts, our daughter’s adjusted admirably and is happy. Both parents love her and want what's best for her.
What’s troubling is that I pay half my salary to my wife for spousal and child support. Child support is an obligation that I’ll always meet. But my wife is collecting money from her millionaire sister and brother-in-law, and continues to show on her tax returns that she’s making no money.
She’s living at a much higher level than me, yet I’m the one working full-time, and struggling financially. She talks like she’s living in poverty; meanwhile, her house was bought for her, she takes holidays, and gets this tidy monthly sum from me and her sister.
See your lawyer, and determine what can be done about this imbalance, if anything. But remember: It’s your child who’s also benefiting from your wife’s generous relatives, and that’s a good thing.
Also, your wife has no guarantee that this largesse will continue. Her gifted money could be withheld or changed at any time.
Meanwhile your obligation to her acts as a salary for the effort of raising your child – a time and energy commitment which she carries out as “full-time” as your job, when you add up the hours.
You’re naturally carrying a lot of resentment about your changed circumstances. My advice is that you cool it, investigate your legal rights, then try not to show bitterness. It’s highly likely your wife will eventually seek work, and the spousal support will change over time.
Meanwhile, do NOT set up a hostile environment.
I’m 57, a happy wife, mom and grandmother who was diagnosed with bi-polar illness at 50. It took time to come to grips with the diagnosis. Initially I sought counselling and I see a doctor regularly for medication. He’s very pleased with my progress.
However, I confided in someone who I should not have – only our husbands are good friends. She always brings up bi-polar in some form whenever we’re together, e.g. she’s mentioned I probably didn't have any problem sleeping because of my “meds,” and that she felt sometimes she has lows just like a bi-polar low. I ignored the comments.
I don't want be in the line of her constant references but is it fair to call it quits and have my husband’s friendship with her husband cut short?
My husband has supported me all along. We’re so fortunate that I’m well, able to work and looking forward to retirement.
How do I handle this situation?
Your husband clearly cares about your comfort level and needs to be part of this decision. Tell him that this woman’s constant comments offend you, then judge together whether this can be handled casually.
For example, you could say to her, yourself, “I know you’re trying to be friendly in this way, but I don’t like to discuss this matter, as it’s completely under control and in the background of a very happy life.” If you can’t handle that conversation, maybe Hubby can lightly say, “My wife’s health is great now, so let’s drop it.”
Otherwise, he may need to start getting tickets for sports events and see his friend on his own.
I'm 20, in love with a man, 21 who lives 1000 miles away. We met through an online game; after a year of contact, I bought tickets to stay a week with him, his mom, and sister. They welcomed me with open arms. He was all I dreamed he’d be. He’s invited me back for one month, and paying for the trip.
My parents are separated, within our house, and fighting constantly. I want to move out, fast.
Should I just stay there with him? Or come back to things that won’t change, but for my two best friends who are always there for me?
- Heart Far Away
Don’t use a new boyfriend as an escape path. You need to assess whether you can get a job in his area, and how you’ll manage if the relationship doesn’t last.
Go slow on the romance through several visits; and start building independence.
Tip of the day:
Bitterness over separation agreements eventually affects children; learn your rights and deal with them.