My wife sometimes lies to me, just as she used to lie to her parents.
Lately she's been lying about her shopping habits, to cover up her serious money management problems.
We have four children.
Just before I was leaving for a special trip with our eldest, I discovered my wife was having an intimate Internet relationship with a male colleague (he's quadriplegic); she'd secretly planned to meet him for drinks after we left. Both she and her co-worker insist that nothing sexual could have happened, they were only having verbal fun. Nonetheless, the email content was very intimate, suggestive, and secretive.
Our recently-hired counsellor considers it as an affair and advised long term therapy.
I fear that our relationship can never be the same due to her duplicity. Now we're trying to live together normally, while seeking counselling to fix something that I don't truly feel can be fixed.
The children are unaware of this.
She's mentioned suicide if I speak to her parents about it. What else can I do?
Continue with the counselling, as you both need it to get past this crisis even if you were to ultimately decide to separate. I say "crisis" because you were obviously shocked by her need for escapism.
The lies, the shopping sprees, the fear of her parents' disapproval, now this secretive relationship - it's apparent she seeks flight and/or fantasy when she's restless and unsatisfied.
You need to hear more about this emotional "affair" so that you'll hopefully understand why she did it, and perhaps believe that she won't do it again.
Don't despair. The process of therapy can be enlightening for both of you, and will help you decide your choices for the future.
I'm 34, with a 12-year old son, and divorced from a five-year marriage; my ex had cheated.
I met a younger guy (he's 26) who was visiting from another state and we hit it off the first night. He moved in with me two weeks later.
After seven months together, I couldn't take his jealousy and arguments any more and he moved back home.
He doesn't flirt but always sought attention from other females. If a woman flirts with him, he responds back and leads them on, which caused problems for us.
I'm not sure if age is a factor.
We've been talking about moving back together; however, I discovered that he talks to other females on the phone during the night time, but all he does is talk.
It bothers me, because I wouldn't do that, knowing it would hurt him and because it's not right.
I do kind of want to try again, but I'm afraid he's going to be the same person.
He claims he's changed, but I'm afraid of another man cheating on me again.
It's not his age, it's his neediness.
This guy wants women to like him, and puts up no boundaries or signals that indicate he's not available to others. The problem will persist until he commits fully to a relationship.
Also, living with the uncertainty you feel sure to cause frustrations and insecurity that your son will feel as well.
You'll be distracted from your role as a responsible parent, as you worry about what your guy is doing.
Take a longer break from him and see if he misses you enough to examine his behaviour and make stronger efforts to change.
Meanwhile, date others.
One of our co-workers is getting married in a couple of months.
My co-workers and I were invited to the wedding but were not invited to the wedding shower. We feel slighted over this and have debated whether it's appropriate or us to have a separate wedding shower or not.
Some of us feel that, since we were not invited to the main shower, we should not have another one.
Your thoughts on this?
Holding a separate office shower for her would be a much nicer gesture than holding a grudge.
Feeling "slighted" is unwarranted since you express no knowledge of why the bride's colleagues were not invited. It may be that the shower hostess(es) couldn't afford the extra group of people, or are using a venue that can't accommodate more.
It's also possible that your co-worker/bride had little say about whether the rest of you could be included.
Tip of the day:
When a partner seeks flights of fantasy it's time for the whole relationship to undergo a reality check.