I’m 40, my wife of 18 years passed away a year ago leaving me with two young children; I’ve never been alone.  

I’m very interested in someone I met but have a gut feeling she’s not who she seems. I’m constantly questioning.

Do I walk away from a possible great relationship over a gut feeling? Everyone says she’s in it for the money, not for love.

- Confused CEO

You can bet your bank account you should pay attention to your gut! I’m sure you used both instinct and caution at times, to get to be a CEO. And you know to have due diligence done on someone you doubt. 

She may genuinely love you, but you owe two kids who lost their mother, more than maybe.

Spend time with her around your kids. They often have good instincts too. And stay cool until you know this woman long enough to be sure… one way or the other.

I’m in a six-year relationship; I express love openly and he says he feels the same way. We’ve talked about marriage but he’s told me it’s never going to happen. I think (?) I came to terms with that, and with living together. He has family in another state that he visits every few years - they were close as children. 

Recently, I discovered he wasn’t going to tell me he was planning a visit, until he received a phone call he had to explain. I was upset because he wasn’t going to ask me along. He said that it’s his time with his family, and time to get away. Okay, but why haven’t I met this part of the family and why the secrecy? Is he hiding something?

He always wants me to sit by him and watch all of his TV shows, and does everything with me. Does he just need time alone or am I being lied to about what’s really going on?

- Need Answers

The answers have to come from him – not from me, or from your guessing. 

You have NOT come to terms with his withholding all hope of marriage; after six years, you have the right to know WHY. Is he still married to someone who lives among these “relatives?”

He’s kept you in a state of insecurity, and it’s time to turn it around on him: Tell him you need more than to be his “TV companion,” you can also have free time – to investigate his hidden “family.” So he either explains himself or watches those shows alone.

Have the strength and pride to follow through… or you’ll be left in the dark, while he continues to control your future.

My stepson’s a tall, athletic 20-year-old who consistently visits right after I’ve bought groceries and lugged them in myself. Then he eats through most of them, making me wonder if his mother suggests this to save her own money. He chats like we’re best friends, then leaves me with the cleanup! 

I’m happily married to his father and don’t want to rock the boat, but I feel used.

- Taking Advantage?

Lucky you, to have a stepson who enjoys your company and wants to chat. 

It’d be unwise to probe whether his mother puts him up to eating there. If money’s a problem for you OR her, talk to Hubby. Also, buy more inexpensive foods on the day he visits and invite him to come earlier so you can shop together; then, insist on cleaning up together, while chatting.

What do you do about a relative who talked about an ethnic neighbour in an offensive way - mimicking their accent, etc? 

To make matters worse, I’m of that particular ethnic group. I was too embarrassed and shocked to say anything. I’m seething towards my sister-in-law.

Do I confront her or swallow the anger and hurt?

- Offended

You’ll be sisters-in-law a long time, so try to handle this through diplomacy, first. 

Mention calmly, when there’s no other tension in the air, that you were hurt at her mimicking someone from your same ethnic background. Let your words hang in the air, even if she doesn’t respond, gets defensive, or laughs it off. The message will be out there.

If she errs again, speak up and say her behaviour is offensive and unacceptable. She’s either ignorant (which you can help change) or insensitive (which you can challenge).