I’m the guy, “Devastated,” who wrote you about my girlfriend cheating on me for two-and-a-half years (May 24).
I got back with her. I still don't fully trust her, but she shows me her phone and ended it with her other (simultaneous) boyfriend of three years.
Should I see a therapist with her? Am I making a huge mistake?
She seems open and honest, but I’m very nervous that she’ll lie and cheat on me again.
Should I just move on? I have a terrible feeling.
Go with your gut feeling. Her years of deceitful double-dealing, promising each a future together, was outrageous.
Trusting her will put you at serious risk of being even more devastated.
See a therapist on your own. Find out why you’d even consider trusting her again.
My father would hit me, kick me, pull my hair, and throw things at me. He was also mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive towards me.
He’d lie to me, hide things from me, threaten me with whatever I held dear (my cat).
My stepmother’s also abusive and very controlling.
If I didn't give her HER way, my cell phone, laptop and tablet, were taken for weeks at a time (all had been gifts to me, e.g. on graduating).
She’d monitor my computer activity, and if there was something SHE didn't like on it, she’d take it away.
My saving grace was my biological mother (who was kept away from me because of my dad's lies), who helped me distinguish the difference between discipline and abuse.
Last year, at 20, I got fed up with all the lies, gas lighting, and secrets, and told my stepmother if she took away any of my belongings again, I’d call the police.
When I later did this, my "dad" and stepmother manipulated their way out of trouble, describing me to the cops as having "special needs.”
I actually have Asperger Syndrome, and am intelligent. I can advocate for myself, but the only barrier is my anxiety issues.
The police told me they'd be back to speak to me, but didn’t return.
I was finally kicked out (I call it "liberation") last fall so I’m living between my mother and an older sister.
My sister made my Mom pay for me to stay with her and her husband. She’d keep me locked out for hours on end.
She treated me like trash, and now she wants to throw me out, though I have NOWHERE else to go. She started a major argument saying I put my hands on her and she meant to have me arrested, but I ran to my mother's place.
She called the police for me, and they told my sister she couldn’t legally throw me out unless she filed a court eviction order against me.
How do I cut ties with family members who lie, manipulate, and abuse me?
Tired of Being Abused
Your mother’s your best emotional supporter. Perhaps you and she together can make a plan that helps you continue your education towards a job.
Hopefully she can help you find accommodation which she can afford to cover until you’re working.
Meanwhile, contact an Asperger’s Association or Society (you’ll find Asperger and related-Autism organizations online).
Some provide information on local services, including programs such as an adult social group, resources for self-help services, and other practical supports.
Your intelligence and skills are currently being directed to very anxiety-making situations just to survive. Gaining some independence will make a huge difference.
FEEDBACK Regarding the two doctors’ behaviour with a dying patient (June 2):
Reader – “I’m a critical-care-medicine doctor.
“All health care professionals should strive to be mindful that discussions around end-of-life and goals of care can be sensitive and difficult, requiring compassion and empathy.
“It seems like these doctors could have done better. However, it is an important discussion to have, especially in the case of end-stage, palliative illness.
“Unfortunately, it sounds like the patient’s cancer is terminal.
“We see patients in the ICU (intensive care unit) who come in after having CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) done in a terminal illness and almost always the family wishes they would’ve died with more dignity and less pain.
“CPR won’t alter the “terminal” prognosis in these cases. Most people don’t know this and what CPR entails. So doctors have an obligation to inform patients of this so they can make the best decision for themselves regarding end-of-life care.”
Tip of the day:
Once bitten, twice shy or a practiced liar/cheat will bite again.