My husband and I are both young lawyers with twins, age three. There’s heavy pressure in our lives – working to get ahead in our firms, keeping a nice home like others in our social circle, getting the kids to enrichment programs, keeping a nanny happy, etc.

There’s also family competition from both sides to attend special occasions, holidays. We’re both stressed and pulling apart. We fear we’ll end up separating. What should we do?

Stress to the Max

Run, don’t walk, to a marital therapist together. Lay out every pressure you’ve named here (plus the ones you’re embarrassed to admit) and, with the professional’s guidance, examine which ones MUST be priority.

Then probe why the others - the non-priorities - still have both of you seeking perfection in every area of your lives.

You both need to examine what you want to achieve most and soonest – high career status, social position, children’s early advancement, and family harmony. Clearly, trying to do all at top speed and level is too hard on you as a couple.

If it pulls you apart enough to separate, then you both seem to have both lost the plot of why you married and had kids. Get help.

My husband’s hurt me so much I don’t know if I can ever forgive. He’s in contact with three of his ex-girlfriends with whom he formerly had sex. He’s constantly texting a co-worker with whom he also has coffee every day. He flirts with waitresses, flight attendants, and even my cousin who flirts back!

He says he loves me and would never cheat, but I can’t trust that, I feel he’s emotionally cheating all the time.

Hurt and Demeaned

Heal yourself, instead of focusing on changing him.

Realize how immature he is, with his constant need for female attention. Understand that he’s acting the part of childish jerk more than the player. It’s about him and his insecurities as a man, not about you. Say clearly, “It’s over, I’m not going to take this anymore.”

Leave – go to your Mom’s, take a vacation, show him you can live without him. If he wants you back, insist that he commit to therapy.

It’s up to him to want to change in order to get back with you.

My new neighbour leaves her barking dog outside for hours on a street where many people and dogs constantly go by. Her dog chases after everyone causing commotion – crying kids, dogs barking back and fighting, my neighbour rushing outside to yell and pull her dog inside… until she puts it out again. I’ve never seen her walk it.

I work at home. The noise is a terrible nuisance. I also feel sorry for the dog. What can I say without causing a major cold war between us? She’s otherwise a nice person.

Doggone Nuisance

Get informed first. Check with your specific municipality about noise bylaws and leash requirements. Start a friendly conversation about your concerns for the dog and for the hectic activity the situation’s causing your neighbour.

You can then mention the noise problem for any of the people living nearby, including yourself.

Brainstorm with her – is there a time when she can walk the dog and then keep it inside, or can she afford a dog-walker? Has she considered a dog trainer?

And if there are bylaws she’s contravening, is she aware of this and that someone could complain? Hopefully, she’ll get the message.

My boyfriend of one year is 34; I’m 24. He’s a condo salesman in Costa Rica and I work in the company’s office.

He spends his spare time more with golfing and his mates than me. He says he loves me but won’t discuss plans to marry.

He’s great with children, so I’m considering getting pregnant without his awareness. Is this a bad idea? I’m positive he’ll do the right thing.

In Love

Bad idea!! His idea of the “right thing” might be to say he cannot marry someone who’d have a child through trickery, to trap him. He’d have a point.

If it were truly an accident, as has happened to many, you two could possibly have a chance. But done deceitfully, on purpose, it’s an unhealthy, untrusting way to start a marriage and a crummy way to conceive a child, since the father may always be resentful… or just disappear.