When I adopted my son, my wonderful friend of three years vowed to help me raise him, and to teach him about his culture, which is the same as hers.

We’ve formed this unexplainable bond.
Recently, she sent the father of her child away.

She didn’t like sleeping alone, and we've often platonically slept together. We live in a large house.
Recently, I met a man at work and we’ve started a relationship. He treats me like no man ever has before.
I’d thought that my best friend would be happy for me, but she admitted that she’s been in love with me since the day we met.
We live in a very small town. There’s no hiding from her misery, or that I only want our friendship back. I love her but am not in love with her.

I want to be with this man, but I need her friendship to survive. I want to keep them both.....

I cannot leave town, until I finish my child’s adoption process.
I don’t have enough job security to rent my own place. It’s too soon to move in with this man.

My friend cries when I say my boyfriend’s name, ignores me for 24 hours when she knows I've seen him.
I feel AWFUL when I hurt her by loving him. And my relationship with him is in a rut because we cannot spend much time together.

How do I salvage my friendship and keep my relationship?

Stuck in Far North

It may not be realistic or possible to keep both relationships intact. You can’t give your friend what she wants, even if this man were not there.

But, you cannot rely on him as your only other choice, too soon.

Explain to your friend that you can’t be false with her, or exploit her friendship. You care deeply about her.

You hope she’ll eventually accept this man (or any other you’d love) but he’s not the reason you can’t be sexual partners.

If she cannot handle this reality, you’ll have to look for a roommate to share rent.

Meanwhile, work on completing the adoption process so you’re free to eventually move away if you choose.

I’m 27, married for five years with a daughter, age three. My husband had a previous relationship that he’s continued after marriage, cheating on me throughout.

He’s beaten me if I argued about his going to sleep at his girlfriend’s place.

I decided to fly to Canada with my daughter to my sister’s house, but he came after me here and apologized, saying he’d leave his girlfriend.

But he started it again. He’d message her and talk to her when I argued about her, and hit me again.

He went back to Europe and I’m still here with my daughter.

I still love him. Will he come back into my life again or should I give him a divorce?

Cheating Husband

You’re mistaking your own feelings. What you call “love” for an abusing cheater who’s abandoned you and your child, I see as insecurity, dependency, and the false belief he can change.

He won’t. If he comes back (unlikely) it’ll be to hurt you more often, because you’ve let him, and he knows he can.

Ask your sister to help you find a counselor. You need to find your inner strength and determination to raise your child without fear of him for either of you.

Divorce is the next step… towards a better life.

I'm a man, 51, in a six-month relationship with a woman, 52. We've both been divorced twice.
She’s undergoing tests that could lead to a cervical cancer diagnosis. Having lost her father to cancer, she’s devastated.

I want to support her and face this together, but she initially invited me to end the relationship, not wanting to "burden" me. Since then, she’s resisting contact.
How should I handle this?

Shut Out

Be a friend in the present, without talking about “going through it together.” Get informed yourself, and then pass on what you learn.

Not all women with pre-cancerous changes in the cervix develop cancer. If she does, it's understandable to feel scared, sad, or angry - but all that impedes a much-needed pro-active attitude towards her treatment.

Suggest that she ask her doctor about support groups. Keep in contact, any way, but remember, this is her journey, until she’s comfortable sharing it.