Is age an impediment to love?
I'm currently dating a 25-year-old woman; I'm 40-years-old. We have a lot in common.
Am I too sensitive about our age difference?
Love can breach many obstacles - but for relationships to work differences have to be discussed and both partners need to become comfortable about these.
You speak only of "dating" but your sensitivity suggests that you're considering a long-term partnership. If so, do not hold back your feelings about the age gap. Explore what it is that's worrying you.
Here are some common questions people consider in these cases: Do you worry that she may desire a different relationship when she reaches the transition years around age 30 when many women think more seriously about their future lifestyles and having families? Do either of you feel pressure from warnings or disapproval about your union from your friends and families? Or, do you have insecurities about keeping up with her energies as time proceeds?
Whatever the concerns are, they need to be aired between you.
My insensitive husband has done it again... he's just made a disgusting, negative comment about lesbians to a friend of ours who has an openly gay daughter.
Recently, he made a racist comment to a friend whose son has just married a girl of another race. My friend mentioned it to me.
If this keeps up, I think we'll lose all our friends. We've been married for over 30 years but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to deal with his overt homophobia and racism, which seem to have gotten worse as he ages.
How do I handle this? It feels like my problem and I find it very embarrassing.
He's had diversity training, but, obviously, it didn't help.
Separate yourself from his statements. I'm not talking about breaking up your marriage. At least, that's not what I advise to handle this particular problem.
I'm suggesting that, since you can't control what he says, warn him that when he utters these kinds of comments, you'll state aloud immediately that you disagree, and that you deplore his bigotry. Then, whenever possible, walk away.
If that doesn't cause him to zip up his mouth at least publicly, then tell him you can't listen to this drivel anymore and you'll have to do your socializing apart. Then do so.
Note: If, however, you find there are other personality changes as he ages, your first step should be to get him to see his family doctor, to check his well-being, as some people with early stages of Alzheimer's or other mental health changes become more negative in their attitudes and conversation.
My next door neighbour and I are both single. We like each other immensely and have a relationship of sorts, but we clash over how to develop it.
He wants sex immediately and says it's not that he's seeking a "booty call" relationship; he simply needs to deal with his urges and wants to do so with me without a lengthy courtship period.
I feel uncomfortable with this because I don't see any commitment in the relationship. I've tried getting him to court me before being sexual which hasn't worked; and even after I've given in, I don't see any signs of commitment in moving the relationship forward -- only the next request for a sexual liaison.
What do I do?
We have been having this argument for a year, and have rarely had sex or spent time together -- I always call a halt to us being together because of the lack of commitment I perceive.
- Holding Back
If this isn't a booty call relationship, I'd like to know what is.
From my view, he only wants sex. He may also like you (for now); and of course, you're conveniently close by.
Moreover, you're willing to carry on a debate about sex, with occasional giving in, for a whole year. And he still gets to avoid making plans, and talking about a future together.
He's gotten more of what he wants out of this neighbourly arrangement than you've gotten - it seems you rarely spend enough time together to get beyond this fruitless
I say back off completely, and be clear that the one-note conversation is over.
Tell him you have "urges" just as he does - only yours are for self-respect, mutual respect, stability and commitment - and you'll be seeking to fulfill those urges elsewhere.
Tip of the day:
The most important factor about an age difference is your comfort level with it.