What's expected of brides' friends regarding dishing out dough for her big day?

I've been getting flack for not taking out a line of credit, charging my Visa, or going into debt for an event I'm already paying over $1000 to attend. The bride and groom have also been fundraising with a couple of stag and doe's, as well as a cash bar.

It seems as if they can't afford the parties they're throwing and are putting it out on their guests to make it happen.

As a bridesmaid, I'm supposed to suck it up and take the financial burden. Who is supposed to go into debt for a wedding: friends or the bride and groom?

Squeezed

Nobody should mount serious debt standing up for a friend (nor should brides plan parties they can't afford). But some of these scenarios can be predicted - and avoided - ahead.

When asked to be a bridesmaid and/or attend a lot of paying events for a close friend, it's up to you to find out about costs and assess what you can afford.

If the sum gets unreasonable, decline the honour and explain why, and/or miss some events.

Naturally, if this is your best friend, she's worth some extra outlay, even a VISA charge, IF you can manage it. A best friend should understand if you couldn't.

Wedding planning is an emotional time; so if you have to explain your finances, do so privately only to the person to whom it matters most. Don't whine and complain widely. It won't look good on you and can ruin your friendship with the bride.

My brother-in-law wants my father to move out of his house. My sister and her husband think our dad is unappreciative. He wasn't paying rent for a while. So they asked him to pay a little because they thought he was spending his money in wrong ways.

If my sister asked him to watch the kids for a few minutes, he'd refuse. If she asked him to turn lights off when he was done using them, he'd answer harshly, "You do it."

She doesn't want to hurt him by telling him to move out, but her husband doesn't want him there. How can we offer, nicely, three choices - either move in with me, or my brother, or live by himself?

Sensitive Matter

If he doesn't have much money, he only has two choices. But you and your brother better be prepared for communicating, nicely but firmly, some house rules. Also, for following through on them. Otherwise, you'll be facing this same question later.

A co-worker displayed a lack of teamwork when I needed it most. I tried to discuss this, but she insisted she did nothing wrong, called me a "nut case." I tried to explain my side but she kept cutting me off and holding her hand up.

She said we both understand each other, when I do not feel that she understood my side. My boss advised talking to her again, and if that doesn't go well, taking it to administration and possibly the union, which I want to avoid.

Concerned

Write a report of what happened regarding the work situation, and her response to discussion. Be prepared that she may have her own description of events, which may differ considerably.

Decide if your need for explanation is worth the next steps. Yes, she was rude, but what's more important to higher-ups, was her behaviour regarding the work itself.

I'm 45 and have breast cancer, and my mother has offered no emotional or physical support. She's older, but still lives on her own, travels, and engages in all her activities.

I feel so betrayed by her. How can I best deal with this lack of support? Our relationship has never been great but I thought she'd at least call to see how I'm doing.

Abandoned

Focus on yourself and your healing process, and get your support where you can... closest friends, a support group of other survivors of breast cancer, and the medical community involved with patients with this disease.

Do NOT focus on your mother, who's likely no different now than ever before. Some people don't handle others' illnesses well, no matter the relationship, and she was already not a good support for you.

Ignore her distance and avoid confrontation. Instead, conserve your energy for positive thinking, and rest when needed.