My best friend from the army wants me to be best man at his wedding. 

I live far away and, frankly, his recent life has been a roller coaster - fired from a lucrative position and in trouble with the law.

I’ve done my best to support him and be there. Unfortunately, he never thinks he’s wrong and never listens to anyone.

I don’t hear from him for weeks, and then he’s wallowing on the phone. When I say anything about me, he cuts me off and hangs up.

Should I go to his wedding or back out and risk the loss of this inconsistent friendship?

- Unsure

Be there, once more. This is one time that really counts… perhaps even a turnaround time for him, to be taking the step to marry, and with a traditional wedding, with his army buddy standing up for him. 

Not going is like saying you’re finished with him, just when he wants to publicly acknowledge the support you’ve shown in the past. Give him this important chance.

My boyfriend of seven months and I are eight years apart, and that bugs him. 

Lately, whenever he comes over, he brings up the same issue: He’s a firefighter and only works twice a week (24-hour shifts); I recently acquired a job that requires me to be gone from 7am-7pm.

We don’t see each other very much, and he’s been getting very depressed, so that when I do see him on weekends, he’s not a fun guy to be around.

He’s losing sleep over it; and I’ve tried everything.

This last time it made me so upset! Yet the last thing I want is for us to break up.

He’s the one; I feel it in my gut.

- Lost in Love

He’s struggling with not having enough work, and feeling intimidated by your success, yet you want a “fun guy” and get upset. No wonder he’s depressed! 

He needs you to bolster his confidence, even brainstorming together how he can spend his free time productively, such as with a second job, starting a business or taking a course in something that interests him.

Stop focusing on your needs for the perfect relationship and start focusing on your guy.

My boyfriend of one year is a small-town college professor. One of his students is dating a man I dated briefly years ago. 

I’ve heard (secondhand, but from a reliable source) that she’s jealous towards his ex-girlfriends, including me. She’s spread untrue, mean-spirited sexual rumours about me, and about her professor, among his students.

He has no idea, and though I feel he has the right to know, what good will that do? He’ll still have to teach and mentor her, knowing she’s said crazy, awful things about him.

Also, I’m unsure if I should pass secondhand information along.

And, we’ve had some difficult (but unrelated) relationship problems lately and I don’t want to add to them.

- Torn

Keep mum, but wary. You’ll be taking the high road to not present your guy with this awkward situation. Also, it keeps your own problems as the ones to handle, without the distraction of low-minded gossip. 

However, if the cheap shots come directly at you, tell him what his student is saying about YOU. Only add what she’s saying about him, if you have evidence her badmouthing connects both of you.

He should then inform his college supervisors, so that they’re aware of the truth behind the nasty stories.

I really like this guy but am unsure if he feels the same; because, initially, he was sweet but something went wrong. 

He won’t call though he used to call everyday. He’ll ignore me when I’m around.

Did I do something wrong or is it possible for someone to forget about you in a couple of days?

- California Girl

Feelings can change in a short time, if one party decides it’s not the right match. This appears to have been a brief, superficial connection, since there’s been no communication about feelings. 

Naturally, he was “sweet” at first; perhaps you took too much meaning from that and he felt pressured.

Now, be cool, do not pursue him. If he comes back, ask if you offended him in some way.

If he doesn’t respond with an explanation and/or just stays distant, move on.

Go slow with the next guy, to assess his feelings.