Recently, while on holiday alone with my husband, I borrowed his computer to do some online banking. It was our last day, and I needed to pay a bill. I accidentally found a recent view in his history of some porn. Curious as to what was turning him on, I opened his links. I was shocked to find that one was two women, and the other was two men.

I thought my husband was heterosexual but now I’m not so sure. And the crazy part is that the purpose of our holiday was to try to rekindle our sex life. It didn’t happen but I thought it was because we both came down with food poisoning.

Now I don’t know what to believe.

Should I confront him?

Confused

I’m going to say yes. You have nothing to lose. But when you say “confront,” I hope you don’t mean it in an aggressive way. I think you should broach the subject with him, but sensitively.

I won’t be surprised if his first reaction is annoyance that you opened his history. You invaded his privacy, though he knowingly gave you access to his computer, and you’re married. You should apologize to him but sincerely explain why you looked.

If you weren’t having sexual issues in your marriage, his porn watching could have turned into part of your sexual play, and he may not have minded that you saw. Or he even may have wanted you to see and left those sites open on purpose. But since sex is an issue in your marriage, his porn watching needs to be addressed as it may be influencing your in-person sexual activity.

Give him the supportive non-judgmental space to tell you why he watches what he watches. His reasons could be many, and I don’t want to guess. Move forward accordingly once you have an answer.

My wife and I are both in our early to mid-60s. We are both healthy and fit: I play tennis several times a week, and she works out most days on her lunch hour.

However, my wife and I have differing thoughts on how frequently we need/want to be intimate with each other. I'm always the one initiating, which I do often, and she seems to enjoy it. But I gather she would be OK with a monthly (or longer) interval between sessions.  That's not OK with me.

I'm not sure that I want to pursue something outside of the marriage, but as time goes on, it may be something that I need to investigate. We've been married 24 years, and other than this issue, we have a great marriage.

Just wondering….

It’s OK to wonder but not wander. You need to talk to your wife. At her age, she has, and maybe still is, gone through a major hormonal upheaval. Some women react to these changes with a lowered libido. It’s a normal symptom of menopause.

She may not recognize what’s going on, she may be thrilled to be less sexually active, she may have physiological trouble getting sexually aroused. I don’t know and nor do you unless you speak with her.

Gently suggest she see a doctor about her symptoms and offer to accompany her to discuss your sexual desire discrepancy. Her doctor may offer treatments, supplements, medications and/or the option of seeing a therapist to help you two through this transitioning period.

After two dozen years of a healthy marriage, I would suggest you do everything to try to keep it intact.

FEEDBACK Regarding the seniors having sex (Feb. 8):

Reader – “First, I would like to say, what a lucky couple.  Still enjoying intimacy at 70.  And having real expectations.

“I totally agree with Lisi’s suggestions.  I would also suggest visiting a sex store together.  There are many reputable stores in the city.  The clerks are respectful, educated and can be helpful.  Go visit one and explore ideas.  Find out what each would consider and what each would deem off-limits.  Make the journey also a fun part of the exploration.

“I also think the wife is overly concerned.  Mentioning bondage seems that she may be thinking beyond what her husband is contemplating.  What is too racy?  You don’t know unless your try?  But also set safe words and agree that if one partner says STOP, both will respect that.  Who knows, it could be fun.

“I’m actually quite envious of this couple.”