I may have HPV (human papillomavirus), and herpes, and am having a very hard time dealing with it. I’m waiting for a doctor’s confirmation.

I feel huge regret for trusting, not caring, and giving in to guys who didn’t want to use protection.

Mostly, I feel so terrible that, unknowingly, I could’ve passed these STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) to some of these guys who’ll likely pass them on to other girls.

I have to tell these individuals they may have contracted them from me, but how?

I’ve always strongly believed in using condoms, but I didn't want to hurt guys’ feelings, or lose them by refusing to have unprotected sex.

How do I live with fear of spreading this further?

I feel like I can never have sex again.

Saddened with Regrets

Make the diagnosis your starting point for getting informed. If positive, then yes, you must tell former and any new partners.

But you must also take care of yourself, manage treatment of the infections, find out what helps suppress them, learn when you can have sex and when not to.

How to tell the no-condom guys? Straight up - as soon as you know your test results. You can also tell them how you feel about their “preference” now.

These STI’s are largely avoidable if both men and women would value their rights to self-protection, more than other people’s “feelings.”

But wallowing in regret is a waste of time and energy.

You have a full life to live and can do so if you take precautions, get regular medical checkups, and learn how people with STI’s can have safe sex.

Herpes and HPV support groups, meet up groups, and dating sites, accessible online, can be helpful.

My friend of 10 years and I have shared many highs and lows.

She had a troubled childhood with a mother who still makes her life miserable.

She has a history of institutionalization, depression, and medication.

She has paranoid views of health and a tendency to “disappear” from contact when evading tough questions. Her boyfriend’s a good guy, but they’re unsuited for each other.

When I told her my concerns about their lack of compatibility, she agreed with me. Nevertheless, she’s still with him.

She’s so deluded that I find it hard to ask her for advice or talk about big decisions.

I’ve tried to refrain from giving her too much advice, but do give some.

For years, I’ve worried about how cutting her out will affect her.

But the last straw was how she treated me, by sending a recent, random text message that she was pregnant.

I don’t believe she’s in a good relationship for a child or capable of being a good mother. I don’t respect her decision to get pregnant.

How do I break it off? Do I explain? How do I deal with the inevitable pleas for understanding, apology, and perhaps something worse?

Exhausted Friend

Ten years of building negative feelings towards this woman, has you judgmental and no longer feeling friendly towards her.

Distance completely over time, before you say the very things you fear will cause “something worse” in a vulnerable person.

But don’t rebuke her for getting pregnant. She’s in a relationship, and that’s where her pregnancy should be assessed… not by you.

Try to be kind when you start telling her how busy you’ve become, and make yourself less available. The years of past friendship deserve at least that effort.

FEEDBACK Regarding the driver who thinks pedestrians should take more care to not get hit (January 17):
Reader – “Yes, many pedestrians forget that the law being on their side will not make them any more alive if they get hit.

“But the law is on their side usually, and the moral responsibility is strictly the onus of the driver of a ton of metal that can kill people if not driven carefully.
“Drivers in snowy conditions need to drive slowly enough that they can stop at crosswalks (which they need to be on the look-out for, so they can stop when a pedestrian wants to cross).

“Drivers need to pay attention even when they have the right of way, because presumably they don't want to kill even a pedestrian who does something unexpected.
“Cities are covered with roads that are cleared of snow and gritted before sidewalks are. Drivers have already “won.”