My long-term boyfriend wants to turn our fun sexual threesomes into a throuple with one woman and I don’t know how I feel about it.

We’ve been together two years. We love each other and have a great relationship. Last summer we were camping and kept bumping into a group of women. On our last night, we found ourselves sharing a campsite and drinking around the campfire. As the night progressed, one woman offered to walk me back to my tent while my boyfriend used the washroom.

Back at my tent, she came on to me and I let her. My boyfriend arrived, was turned on by what he saw, and we ended up spending the night together. When he and I awoke, she was gone and we thought it had been a great experience.

A few months later, she contacted my boyfriend on social media. He and I agreed we’d be into a repeat performance, so we met her at a club and again spent the night together. This has now become something we do often and we’re both enjoying it.

Until just recently, when my boyfriend proposed that we take our threesome one step further and become a throuple. I’m not sure that’s where I want this game to go. What do I do?

Three’s Fun but not Forever

You need to figure out what YOU want. Once you’ve settled how you feel, you need to speak with your boyfriend. Hear him out. He may say things you hadn’t thought of. If after you’ve truly listened, you’re still uninterested, you and he need to have a bigger conversation.

But if you’re willing to give it a try, there must be boundaries in place for your safety and comfort. And agreements on how this will go. A throuple means three opinions, on everything. You may not be up for that.

We are seniors, parents and grandparents, and we know the world today is different than the life we knew.

We have a good relationship with our family and have always been there for them. But, for a while now, we’ve been stressed in our communication with our children.

One is not as patient with us, so we find ourselves backing away and treading lightly. One of us had a career as a caregiver, but any advice given - out of concern and love - is not appreciated and causes friction.

The other reads a lot about aging, mental health, taking good care of mind and body. This adult child follows through with advice and leads a good lifestyle.

Now we’re being told how we should think differently and how we’re wrong to have expectations. We cannot understand how we shouldn’t have expectations, for example, for a grandchild to respect and appreciate us, with proper greetings, pleases and thank yous. Basic manners.

Are we wrong to have expectations? Should we just ignore this when it’s very upsetting? Also, a lot of what we say recently is criticized. We admit that as our own parents aged, we would get frustrated with them in some situations, but what is it with “expectations” and not having them?

We love our family and we don’t want our excellent relationship to become jeopardized by this.

Frustrated Seniors

You’re not the first grandparents to complain about grandchildren’s lack of basic manners. I don’t think that’s an unjustified expectation. I suggest modelling the appropriate behaviour.

My grandmother insisted I respond to “How are you?” with “Fine, thank you. How are you?” If I forgot, or didn’t, she would remind me, hang up and call back. I loved those calls! Create your own relationship with your grandchildren.

And avoid giving advice to your impatient child. For now.

FEEDBACK Regarding quitting smoking (Nov. 25):

Reader – “You gave very good advice to this reader. What follows is a synopsis of how I quit, after 40+ years of smoking: I went to a vape shop. They decided I didn't have a problem with nicotine; I just liked the burning sensation. They sold me a vape with zero-nicotine juice, and a mild nicotine backup just in case.

“That was eight years ago. I never opened the mild-nicotine backup. After six months, I accidentally broke the vape and never replaced it.

“Before that, I had tried multiple nicotine-centric approaches to quitting, to no avail. Not everyone who smokes is addicted to nicotine.

“Health Canada should wonder how vape store employees have a more nuanced understanding than their research allows.”

FEEDBACK Regarding drunk and sober (Dec. 1):

Reader – “She is clinically depressed; alcohol is just a crutch to feel better.

“There are big issues there, from the past to present.”