My boyfriend of over a year is amazing - most of the time. He always fits me in his schedule, sacrifices for me, reassures me he loves me, and gets along with my family.
But he's lied to me a few times - small little white lies that I forgave.
Several months back, a girl I knew from school told me he was flirting with her and she described how their conversation went.
When confronted, he told me he was innocent, so I believe him.
But now I'm hearing from his ex that he messages her whenever we fight and asks to hook up with her. He denies it.
What should I do?
Truth or Lies
That’s two strikes and you know what comes next. But he doesn’t believe you’ll end it because he’s been able so far to convince you of his innocence.
Give him a fair warning: You want to believe those other “stories” were false, but a third incident would end your trust in him.
Tell him that even if he’s still loyal to you but does lead other girls on, it’s a problem. Explain that it shakes your confidence in your relationship together.
Say that you can’t accept that. And mean it, or you’ll be asking these same questions again.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who feels guilty because she and her family moved an hour away from her parents (Feb. 4):
Reader – “Years back, my family and I lived 15-minutes’ drive from my parents and saw them frequently.
“My husband was offered a far better job an hour away.
“My mother was devastated and my children were upset as Grandma wouldn’t be a short bus ride away. Yet they were old enough take a bus or train to visit her on weekends and school holidays.
“My father wasn’t upset as, when they were raising us, we moved a lot for his job.
“I realized that my mother had relied on me for things I did for her weekly or monthly, such as taking her to her doctors’ appointments and some of her fun activities, which we did together.
“When I was still working, I’d sometimes drop in for tea and a chat when in the area. We also went to movies together.
“I told my mother that I’d still call her and, no longer working, I’d drive in for the day at any time.
“It didn’t work. She accused my husband of being selfish and uprooting HER family.
“I asked my siblings who lived in the city to pick up the slack, but it didn’t make much difference to Mom. We’d become very close.
“When we moved, I called her every other day, visited every other week, and brought the family on weekends.
“We had my parents visit us at least once a month and we had Christmas at their house. We always had them stay with us for the children's school and sports activities.
“Four years later, we moved back to the city and my mother and I took up our close relationship again.
“Maybe this lady's mother relied on her daughter more than the daughter realized, or the daughter was the mother's safety net in case anything happened to her husband.
“If she’s an only child, it would explain the parents’ need to have her close as they age and need more help.
“She should try to involve her mother in their family activities, or suggest her parents move closer to them.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the mother-in-law who feels her son’s wife is taking advantage of his parents financially by stopping working (Feb. 8):
Reader – “The son’s wife had had a good-paying job and isn’t taking advantage.
“She stopped working after their THIRD CHILD! And her husband is paying everything because it’s his family too!
“The mother-in-law has no basis for asking further questions. She and her husband can stop giving any money if they want.
“The down-payment for the couple’s house was their wedding gift. Is this to be held over their heads forever?
“The wife and husband probably made this decision together, which means they’re financially able to do so.
“We don’t know the health of the wife. Maybe she just wants to be with her children for now.
“You were right to say that the grandparents can put aside money for the children's education, but they really don’t have any say about the mother of those children.”
Tip of the day:
Even small white lies, if they keep adding up, become a grey cloud over a relationship.