I met a man online after the breakup of my marriage, and fell for him. We had common interests in music, movies, books, and loving long walks in Nature. We met soon after connecting online.

After two coffee dates, I was sure. We talked every day, got together every night for over two weeks, were intimate, and it was great. But then I noticed we weren’t going out for music and movies, and only went for a walk in a park once.

I said something about it, and he turned on me like I’d insulted him. He called me “demanding, just like all the other spoiled women.” I was shocked.

I apologized because I figured maybe my tone had sounded harsh. He didn’t call for two days then asked me to come over again. We had sex, and then he said, “It’s over.” He claimed things would never be the same because I’d always be nagging him for something “more.”

It’s been a month and I still feel like I ran into a truck. Was I a fool to believe an Internet scammer, or just unlucky to meet someone so weird?

Wounded and Confused

The “truck” was anger-fuelled, driven by a misogynous man who uses the Internet to get someone for sex, and then dumps her.

He may harbor a lifetime of resentments against women, or have experienced getting dumped himself.

You’re lucky to be free of him, as he could’ve become physically harmful as well as emotionally.

Reminder: you “ran” towards him, thinking that some predictable “common interests” and two coffee dates were enough to build trust.

You need to be a lot more wary and selective when dating online.

My daughter’s dating someone long-distance and planning on him coming to Canada to live with her. She met him in the States when she was working there for a year. They’re talking about his coming here as a visitor and staying on illegally.

She says they’re too in love and impatient to go through a formal process. Neither has enough money to just visit back and forth while waiting for him to come in legally.

My daughter’s very strong-willed and dismisses my concerns with “everyone does it, he’ll never get caught.” She’s already lined up work-for-cash for him in a business that hires illegals because they can pay them less.

I don’t know what to say to her to stop this plan, which I believe will cause them both heartache one day. Also I don’t want to be involved but I know she’ll drag me into it somehow.

Very Concerned Mom

Draw your line in the sand with your daughter. She’s an adult, and if she plans to get involved in illegal immigration, with its consequences, then she must know she’s on her own.

If her boyfriend’s discovered in Canada - without having satisfied eligibility requirements and undergone required background checks - he may be deported by the Border Services Agency of Canada.

He would then have to start the process he’s now avoiding, and may need to pay an immigration lawyer to help him through the re-admission process, if it’s still possible.

Tell your daughter facts, rather than your fears. Canadians are encouraged to report immigration fraud and this could happen to her boyfriend as many people resent others jumping the queue.

Tell her that you won’t be financially responsible for him if he loses his job, or has to pay for legal help. They’re knowingly taking the risk, you are not.

 

My neighbor, a divorced woman younger than me, invited my partner to join her bridge club after she overheard him telling another neighbor that he enjoyed the game.

She then sent him a private email about it, saying she’d be “happy to drive together and grab a bite with (him) after playing.”

He didn’t give her his email address, but she got it from someone. She didn’t mention anything to me when we passed on the street. What do I say to him without sounding controlling?

Upset and Uncomfortable

Tell him you trust him, but not her, since she’s sneaky and predatory.

When not close to a couple, a woman trying to make arrangements with the male partner is normally open about it with the female.

It’s not over-reacting to realize she’s trying to arrange private time with him.

He may be flattered, though totally innocent. Simply state your discomfort about it.