Five years ago I purchased something online; afterward the designer emailed me frequently to say hello, which I found unusual.

A year later, I planned a vacation that coincided with his "showcase." We spent an afternoon chatting over drinks. He caressed my arms when we said good-bye.

He emailed how much he enjoyed meeting me. I called him. We had several phone chats and when I inquired on his status he said he was "seeing someone" for three years, but we should talk.

My therapist suggested that this woman was simply a lover and nothing more.

We've remained in touch via infrequent emails with him always complimentary. He's sent me gifts that he's crafted.

We've had a blow-up via email, in which I clearly stated I wasn't interested in being part of a romantic triangle. Still, he's frequently admitted I'm in his constant thoughts.

He recently sent a "friend" request on my social network; I emailed back that I'd try to be a better friend in 2012.

I've wanted to be a part of a meaningful, loving relationship for a while now and start a family.

I emailed that I was thinking of the possibility of a relationship blossoming. He responded that he liked the idea.

I asked about his status and he replied, still "seeing someone"! He's been seeing this woman for over nine years, she lives in the Caribbean, he travels frequently there.

He's 42 and obviously has commitment issues. He once said he wasn't trying to change his life.

I've decided to block him out and continue my search for a decent individual. I'll remain civil but nothing more. Am I doing the right thing?

Frustrated in Toronto

You're still hanging on to some hope and second-guessing yourself. Stop. He's interested in two relationships (likely more) - in the Caribbean, visits with you... It's the perfect set-up for a commitment-phobic player, since you keep showing some interest.

There should be NO contact, NO responses - civil or otherwise.

There was never the basis for a "blossoming" relationship... just some flattery.

Tell your real, trusted friends that you're ready to meet someone unattached, and open to a long-term serious relationship. Then date using common sense if the wrong signs appear.

I'm a woman who really likes another woman. Problem is she's married and so am I. I've never felt like this before and it's driving me crazy. She's made some comments and moves that may or may not indicate that she's attracted to me as well. It's hard for me to tell. As time goes by we talk more and more.

We see one another frequently and have so much in common, right down to the same vehicle! I really want to find out if these are subtle hints she's giving me that she's attracted to me too, or if she's just extremely extra friendly. How do I find this out with out being too open, blunt, and ruin the friendship that we have?

Uncertain

Think "friendship" only. Given your hyped-up state over this "crush," you've undoubtedly sent out enough signals to her and she has NOT picked them up or responded in kind. If she were equally interested, she wouldn't need to be that "subtle."

Incidentally, same-sex crushes between women are not that uncommon. If you've not had lesbian urges before, it may just reflect restlessness or boredom with your own heterosexual relationship. Think it through before acting on it.

FEEDBACK Regarding the roommate from a different country with a male roomie who'd become increasingly dictatorial and hostile to her (Jan. 28):

Reader - "Sometimes, this kind of situation can escalate to the point of the male roommate becoming more threatening, controlling, or physically abusive.

"The writer needs to ensure that her roommate, other nearby friends, her family at home, and someone, or several people in an official capacity at her university all know what's going on. They should all know the full name of the male roommate, and whatever she knows about his hometown, his life, who he hangs out with, etc. It may become necessary for one of those people (or all) to rescue her from a dicey situation at some point, and the more they know about it, the better."

"I'm not an alarmist or panicky person, just someone who believes in taking enough precautions to ensure one's own safety."