My son and his girlfriend moved in together, and we see them rarely, only on special occasions. We rarely get invited to his/their apartment.

They seem happy together but we find, as does his brother, that she’s cold and distant with us. I understand they’re trying to have their own life but he’s changed totally with his own family.

I’ve mentioned this to my son who didn’t seem sympathetic. I’ve even seen a therapist for the first time, even though I’ve had major traumas in my life like suicide, and post partum blues. But the therapist wasn’t helpful - the advice was to speak to my son, which didn’t help.

- Sad Mother

Reach out to the couple with warmth and enthusiasm, but without any “guilt trips” about how rarely you get to see them. Example: Call to invite them to have dinner with you at a casual restaurant, preferably near their place; invite them to see a movie with you and your husband; say you’re going to be in the neighbourhood this week and would love to drop in with a pizza to share, if they’re free.

These are ways to show interest and consideration for their life, rather than expecting them to fit into the old patterns when he fit into your life.

I'm a divorced mother in my late-40s with custody of two children under 12.

Now that the youngest is in school full-time, I plan to return to the workforce after ten years.

My ex insists he doesn’t intend to pay for before- and after-school child-care, nor when school isn’t in session. My mother has offered to be their caregiver, but it means the children must switch schools to one in her neighbourhood, since she doesn’t drive.

My ex refuses to meet the children at her home and insists I have them at their own residence, per "the (legal) agreement." The pick-up and drop-off location can be changed only if both parties agree to it.

I don't know what my timing is going to be like when I get a job.

My mother's residence is an extra five-minute drive from his residence and he claims it takes a half hour.

All I'm asking is that he get the boys from the care-giver's residence at the regular time once I have a job. Is that unreasonable?

We communicate via a "journal" (as my lawyer suggested) and he responds to my e-mails, notes and letters which are placed in the folder. I don't want to meet with him because of a previous assault on me. I don't have a private email (my mother's e-mail address isn't good enough for him), which leaves lawyers’ involvement, but I can't afford a lawyer, and don’t qualify for legal aid.

- Divorced Mom

You two need a court mediator to re-work your agreement once you have a job and know your schedule. Meanwhile, you don’t have a job and can use this time to think ahead toward a workable plan.

Many schools have before- and after-school daycare on the premises; or there are daycare facilities nearby.

It’s obvious that your ex doesn’t see any benefit in accommodating you, but a mediator may point out to him that having you earn an income IS a benefit to him financially; also, he’ll be told that agreements often need adjustment as children grow up and circumstances change.

Call your local family court where you obtained your divorce and find out how to access mediation services.

Is it wrong to expect loyalty amongst friends, especially when one friend no longer speaks to another?

In other words, when a person is caught between two friends, how much "loyalty" can exist, especially if the person in the middle is in a situation where they feel that they must choose sides?

- Muddling in the Middle

You’ve stuck yourself so deeply “in the middle” that it’s hard to follow the players and the rules in this “loyalty” game.

Ask yourself why you feel you must choose sides? Are you being pressured?

If so, siding with your more demanding pal seems unfair to the other person as well as yourself.

For your own self-respect, I say refuse to accept this childish test of your friendship and insist that you have a right to continue to talk to both your friends, if you choose to… but just not about each other, or their fight.