I'm 21, in my first serious relationship, with my boyfriend of one year. He's 27, I really like him, but don't feel that I love him. However, it’s not a concern because I'm young and happy to have things move slowly.
I want to go on an exchange year SO badly, starting next September, and for a full year. But I'm not good at making big decisions. I know I shouldn’t give up amazing opportunities for a guy.
But, if I already know that I'm leaving in September, how can I enjoy our relationship until then? I'll be constantly predicting how sad I'll be to leave him.
I almost went on exchange this year, but decided not to at the last minute due to several reasons, which included him.
He's been on exchange, and he's from a different country altogether... both of which can make me feel jealous and sad. I want to experience what he's already experienced. He's older and done so much. I feel I missed out on a really cool part of his life.
He's also moving to another city, three hours away, in a few weeks. I have no idea how being long-distance will go and whether it affects my decision about leaving. But I feel it might.
How can I put this desire to travel first and still be with him? I'm pretty sure that if I go away for a year we'd break up. He's done an overseas long-distance relationship before, and he doesn't want to do it again.

So Stressed

You’re not in love, you’re jealous of his experiences; you already delayed your desire for travel and similar experiences partly because of him.

Go for the exchange year. Otherwise, you’ll regret and may even resent a decision to stay, based on a relationship that’s not fully committed on either side.

He’s moving, apparently without concern.

Meanwhile, he’s already stated HE doesn’t like long-distance (a not-subtle attempt to influence you to not go).

However, if your connection endures while living in separate cities, it may be a good sign that you two CAN manage a full year apart.

More important, you need to fulfill your own goals, not just his wishes.

FEEDBACK Regarding the couple who have re-united ten years after they had an affair (Nov.11):

Reader – “I closely identify with this woman’s story which resembles mine.

“I, too, dated a married man, fell in love, and then broke up as our circumstances weren't conducive to the people we wanted to be – namely, caring, honest, committed, loyal, and faithful people.

“I was ashamed, I grieved for many years, and like this woman in your column, I attended therapy.

“Your advice (on their reconnecting after his much-later divorce) was well said: Re-acquaint, get to know each other again, and see what's really there.

“When my guy and I broke up, he too wanted to "concentrate on his family." After an unhappy marriage, they divorced, and by total happenstance, we re-met at a conference with 60,000 people thousands of miles from home.

“Kismet? Fate? Destiny? Yes.... and a LOT of hard work. I am happy to report that we've been married for seven years now, and with time, effort, and eyes-wide-open-to-the-now, it is possible.

“His two children from his previous marriage are my wonderful "bonus" kids, and we now have two little ones together as well.

“Our family is happy, wiser, and yes... we're deeply in love. He’s the best re-gift I ever received.”

Second Time, Twice as Nice

Where does one find counselling for young men lacking motivation?

I've been trying to figure out what suits - perhaps a sports therapist, since that job title may be acceptable. They likely deal with similar issues - stress, anxiety, etc.

Concerned Person

First, consider any potential health changes. A doctor’s check-up is a good start, to rule out any medical problems, or emerging conditions. Also, a family doctor can make referrals to mental health and/or addiction specialists, should these be needed.

Sports therapy issues are usually specific, whereas general lassitude and anxiety are often hard to pinpoint at first.

Career counselors can sometimes uncover hidden talents and inner drives, to raise motivation and help find a focus for your encouragement and support.

Combined with individual therapy, to probe the roots of undefined anxieties, the process can be very helpful.

Seek word-of-mouth referrals; school counselling resources, and Google resources in your area.