My girlfriend and I come from different cultural backgrounds; the way she speaks can be tactless at times, almost rude. 

Whenever I point this out, she becomes defensive, saying her mom speaks to her dad in that fashion, and “I’m not the woman you want me to be.”

I’m not sure how to respond. My friends’ general consensus is that it’s a cultural issue, where politeness doesn’t play a large role in one’s upbringing.

I love my girlfriend, and she’s loving in return except for these moments (frequent) where niceties are thrown out the window.

How can I speak to her about this if she feels there’s nothing wrong?

- Speechless

Choose your moment – when you’re not arguing – and approach it as a discussion of different styles, not a lesson from you in politeness. Tell her it’s not about who’s ways are right or wrong, it’s about how you make each other feel. Every couple has to learn how to disagree without destroying the relationship or “winning” through putting down the other. When she speaks to you as if she doesn’t care about you, that’s the message you get, instead of whatever point she’s trying to make. 

But remember, every time you harp on the “cultural difference,” and her lack of niceties which you were raised with, she hears you treating her as different, even lesser than you.

My father-in-law makes inappropriate sexy remarks whenever I’m around. He watches my reaction, and laughs at me when I blush. 

How can I get him to stop?

- Flushed with Anger

Tell your husband how uncomfortable it makes you and ask him to talk to his father. 

If he’s resistant, ask him to at least change the topic.

If unsupported, tell Frisky Father-in-law plainly, that you find his remarks upsetting, and walk away whenever he starts.

I’m 22, and broke up with my boyfriend of seven years because he didn’t pay attention to me sometimes, and I always felt he was cheating. Though he treated me good and would do anything for me, he admitted to talking to girls (supposedly only as friends). 

I’m still in love with him. But after a month I met someone else who treats me like a queen, does everything I ask and he’s honest.

I love him, too; however he’s not working.

I helped him get a job with my dad doing construction. He has a background that makes it hard for him to get a job. But I don’t want him to depend on my dad as these aren’t permanent jobs.

Who should I be with?

Who I should make a family with?

- Brokenhearted

Your neediness to always have someone paying attention to you, ever since young teenage years, has made you grab onto this new boyfriend way too soon. 

He’s apparently had trouble in his past that currently makes him a poor candidate for starting a family, and has him leaning on you just to get work.

As for your past relationship, you obviously spent much of your time being suspicious of him, even without proof.

My strongest advice is for you to try being without a boyfriend for awhile, and focus on yourself to gain more confidence and self-esteem. Whether through upgrading your work skills or your education, pursuing new interests, or widening your circle of friends, there’s a larger world to enjoy than just hanging onto a guy.

Better to plan a family AFTER you’ve developed more independence and inner

strength.

I’m a caregiver in a nursing home, and the youngest among my co-workers. 

Two of them hate each other; I’ve made friends with one of them, so the other has turned all the remaining caregivers against us. They’ll be nice and talk to me but become two-faced and talk about us behind our backs. I’m really sick of this childish behaviour.

What should I do?

- Stuck in the Middle

You’re not “stuck” if you rise above the drama. Be pleasant to all, and let the ringleader see that you act the same way with everyone, including her. 

Initiate group activity, if possible – e.g. different people bringing coffee-break treats for all, an after-work pot luck dinner, a cake for each person’s birthday - whereby the two “opponents” have to both be present.

Occasionally mention gently to the others that you’re all too grown-up to get caught up in childish, exclusionary behaviour.