I've been raising my kids alone for seven years without any assistance from their father, whom I left. While I worked, cared for the kids, and took classes, he drank and did drugs. I was mostly alone. He had little work ethic, didn't help with the kids, and didn't bathe much. He befriended drug addicts, homeless people, and former convicts. Currently, he's in a methadone maintenance program and lives in a homeless shelter.

I met an educated man with a profession. He, like myself, doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs. He's nice to my kids and me.

After hearing little from the kids' father in months, he called when he learned I met someone else. He wants another chance with me. He claims he was molested as a child and self-medicated with the drugs and alcohol.

Is he trying to con me into taking him back? Is he even worthy of another chance?

Tired

Too little, too late. He offers nothing other than his paternity, and he's done little about that, too.

Do NOT fall back into the messy life he creates, and knows best. If he cleans up and changes, it'd be a healthy sign for the children, but he's too unpredictable for you to count on this happening.... besides, it'll take time.

Meanwhile, don't just jump into a full-time new relationship just because of the comparison. Be sure you love this new guy and that he's ready to be fully involved with you and your children.

Our younger son, 31, is getting married soon, but we're not invited. Neither is our family, our friends, nor our son's friends.

His controlling fiancée destroyed all these relationships with him. She won't let him go places without her. During their two years living together, we've never seen him alone.

Through rudeness and disrespect, she's alienated us. She disrespects our son and talks down to him. Her father calls our son horrible names. She won't allow a stag.

Our son's gained a lot of weight and doesn't appear happy. The only reason for not being invited, we think, is that we wanted to stay at another hotel that she didn't want, and we informed our friends and family.

They were furious, saying these were their guests and we have no right to change things. My husband wanted a guests' shuttle bus but they said if we proceeded, we'd be asked to leave (before they didn't invite us). We haven't spoken to our son for three months.

We tried to reach a reasonable solution but they weren't receptive. He was to get back to us to see if they'd come over to discuss the problems. We never received a call. Our main concern is our son.

Worried and Hurt

Your son's being controlled, but so far isn't expressing doubts or trying to leave her. If they stay together, you'll have to try to get along, or lose all contact with him and future grandchildren.

Knowing her control-freak ways, do NOT try to change things she's arranged, just go with what you can and avoid what you can't.

The wedding is no longer the main issue here. However, you could apologize (forget that it's not "deserved") and agree to all her demands, purely to get through this event. If it doesn't work, wish your son well, tell him you're available to him whenever he wants, that you love and support him, and hope he'll stay in touch.

Periodically, make an outreach. There's no telling for certain how their relationship will turn out.

My birth name is male but I'm a transsexual lesbian woman. I've been with my girlfriend for seven years and she has some sense of this. I made my mind up this year that I'm going to be that woman I dream about. I'd love to think my girlfriend will be with me throughout, but it's her decision.

How do I tell her I'm a transsexual woman and I'm going to make that happen?

Living My Dream

You're making a change that requires a lot of support from medical experts, counselors, and other advisors in this field. They'll have dealt with this situation for others and can help you. Your girlfriend will have to decide if she wants to be part of this process, which has emotional impact on both of you, as well as on your close family and friends.

Be open, honest, loving, and accepting of whatever she decides.