There’s this guy I’d dated before, but I ended it by cheating. He came back when I was single again.

Things were going fine, until months later I discovered that he was hearing lies about me from one of my old friends.

Because of her, he lied to me and also avoided me. Then he wanted to meet up but I declined at the last minute, making him very upset.

Now we’re talking again and he goes on about liking me a lot.

I thought I loved him, but now I just don't want to be involved with him again. I’m afraid to say this because he acts like I’m to give myself to him as his girlfriend again. I'm worried and only want out of this!

Gone Too Far

Too much drama’s gone on. Your anxiety reveals that he’s sounding more forceful with you. Your past infidelity may have him wanting to control you now.

Don’t meet up. Tell him by phone (not email) that you feel it’s best for both of you to not re-start an old relationship that didn’t work. Say you should both move on and you wish him well.

If he pursues you, cut all contact. If he worries you further, alert the police.

Last January, when my brother, 17, saw my husband spank my son on his bum, he stopped coming over because he felt it was too hard.

(Spanking is NOT our No.1 form of discipline. Time-outs and groundings are what we do mostly).

There followed a huge blow-up from my mom, saying very hurtful things about my husband and me. I told both that I wasn't there, and can only assume my brother was just very uncomfortable.

My husband sent him a text saying he was sorry about making him uncomfortable, but if he needed to do it again he’d have to, as a parent.

We were very distraught and said if they felt it was so awful, they should call social services and we’d answer to them.

I’m pregnant, on bed rest, and shouldn't be stressed.

My brother wants nothing to do with me and won’t visit even while my husband’s at work.

He called and asked to pick up my son for a visit. I wanted to go along or have him come here.

My mom says they’re going to take me to court to get access.

Why should I bring him to their house without my husband? He’s a great guy! I don't understand why they hate him so much.

My mother put me through years of physical and mental abuse. What should I do for my kids?

Desperate

Go back to the big picture here, which is how you and your husband parent. Especially with a new baby coming, you both have to be on the same page about NOT spanking. More and more studies show that it has a negative effect on children. A hard spanking is physical abuse (which you say you suffered as a child). It breeds fear, not an understanding of what behavior was wrong.

The rest of this incident seems to come from heavy family baggage in the past, with your brother enmeshed in your mother’s attitudes. Plus, that spanking clearly upset him, which is why you need an open and honest talk with your husband.

Meanwhile, expecting a smooth, easy relationship with these two relatives is unrealistic. Insist on having them visit your son and later, the new baby, only when you’re included.

FEEDBACK Regarding the step-mom who’s against her husband funding his son’s university tuition, because he’s on probation (August 15):

Reader – “There can only be one loser with her suggested response, and that is her step-child.

“She should also consider other factors that might be coming in to play that cause the young man’s poor grades.

“After many years frustration with my own son, which included poor grades in high school and first year university, he was diagnosed with depression and ADHD.

“He’s now on medication, is much more focused, and the grades are improving.

“Our approach has been to fund our children’s initial year in university, with the proviso that if they fail, or have an incomplete record, the second attempt is at their cost.

“This has helped our children graduate university without having to carry tens of thousands of dollars in debt-financed education, which can take significant years to repay.”